Blog

Posted on

Response to hospital stay video

I watched a video by Lauren of the Living with Schizophrenia YouTube channel. She shared her most recent hospital stay due to schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. Since I had thought about going into the hospital for my sleeping problem cause by depression, I was very interested to learn more about what it could have been like. While I could go to sleep just fine, I’d wake up way to early every morning. Then, I couldn’t go back to sleep except rarely. My brain would just start talking nonsense to me and I couldn’t get it to make sense. So, I started working with my employee assistance program in order to get therapy. One office that I called offered hospitalization when they heard me describing the sleeping problem and me desperate need for therapy. I know that my voice had become flat too. It sounded tempting almost like it would free me from some of my stress but I said, “No.” She sounds so honest about the struggle in the ER to get treatment. In a previous video, she showed her hospital room which looked okay to me. So, the video made me feel like hospitalization is more of a option if I ever need it.

Her description of her delusional thinking reminded me of a conversation that I had with my psychiatrist once. I told him that I was having odd thoughts of monsters coming out of my shower drain. I knew that the thinking was untrue but the thinking and feeling of a presence was very strong. I thought that I was losing my mind. The thoughts would pop at weird moments mostly at night. Sometimes, I’d feel the presence while washing my hands with my back to the shower. It is the memory of these thoughts that make me scared to go off my antidepressants.

Please watch this lady’s video if you are considering hospitalization for a mental health issues.

Posted on

Teamwork

I collected five quotes about teamwork and will share them here.

“Teamwork is really a form of trust. It’s what happens when you surrender the mistaken idea that you can go it alone and realize that you won’t achieve your individual goals without the support of your colleagues.” Pat Summit

Pat Summit was an American women’s basketball coach. Here is an article about her. This quote reminds me of when I was a photo supervisor and a shift supervisor helped a customer. So, my store won a photo sells contest and I received a bonus. I felt bad because I knew that I didn’t win the contest. My team won it but I got the bonus. I spent some of it to bring food to work. I can’t remember what I brought or the size of the bonus. I just know that we only won because of our team not me. I just helped to keep the photo machines working.

“No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.” Halford E. Luccock

Luccock is an American Methodist minister and professor at Yale Divinity School. This reminded me of my music director at church when he plays the organ. I found a guy on YouTube who is called “India’s one man band.”

“Alone we can do little. Together we can do so much.” Helen Keller

“Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler is an American comedian that was on Saturday Night Live. This is similar to the concept of a mastermind group. Napoleon Hill used the phrase “mastermind alliance” and listed it as the second key to success. This remind me of a Bible study that met after church services at a previous church.

“How did we cure polio, small box and send a man to the moon? How did we decide the human genome in just 13 years? Collaboration. Focus on a specific goal, and teamwork.” Margaret Cuomo

Cuomo is an author who writes about health issues. When I was in university, I heard about the human genome project. I was surprised when I saw the news that it was fully sequenced. It felt like such a short time for such a huge achievement.

I’d like to end this post with a summary of my pastor’s sermon for the children. I can’t even remember the adult sermon. (Sorry, pastor.)

Pastor Jordan giving the children’s sermon

He began the lesson with three Legos to describe the triune God which includes the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He joked that Christians are terrible at math. Then, he explained that each one of us has a relationship with God. He gave each child a Lego and invited them to add their piece to the three blocks representing God. He mentioned someone that he knows who ha Schizophrenia and showed an odd shaped Lego. He reminded all of us that every member regardless of our mental health issues or sexual orientation can be in a relationship with God.

Posted on

Spiritual Gifts

“Your spiritual gifts don’t have to impact the globe to matter; you can make a difference where you are, as you are, right now, with the gifts God has given you.”

This is from a devotional magazine called Christ in Our Home and was written by Lisa A. Smith.

The next paragraph presents examples.

“Your spiritual gift might be preaching to thousands, or knowing what to say to a loved one in crisis. Your spiritual gift might be donating a large sum to a charity, or giving the gift of time to a cause that’s important to you. Your spiritual gift might be modern-day miracles of surgery, or the tedious work of mending a broken relationship. With God’s help, none of us is lacking in spiritual gifts.”

As a child, I wanted to be a missionary doctor or maybe a psychiatrist. Then, I learned that I don’t function under stress.

Over the years, I read some books on spiritual gifts in the hope of finding my place in society. Here is a picture of some of those books. I was jealous of a friend who could donate larger amounts of money and more time to the church. She ran a Bible study at the local work release jail too. She did so much more than I ever could.

My current job is in a factory. While I am proud of my employer’s commitment to recycling, I wish I could help people more directly in my working life. But  my depression symptoms  come out when I am stressed which keeps me from those kinds of jobs.

What are your spiritual gifts?

How do you use them?

Posted on

101 World Changing Women quotes

I enjoy reading compilations of biographies. This is a children’s book but I bought it and read it anyways.

One person that was discussed was Anne Frank. While hiding from the Nazis from 1942 to 1944, she wrote a diary.

“I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are really good at heart.” She saw so much evil yet she still wrote this. I fight to hold on to this faith in the goodness of people. Yet, the news of mass shootings and people shooting others for very ridiculous reasons makes me wonder.

“If you want to make something happen that hasn’t happened before you’ve got to allow yourself to make a lot of mistakes.” Björk is a musician. 8 had never heard of her but that is why I like these books. They tell me about people that I have never heard of.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case you fail by default.” J.K. Rowling took the risk of writing her book while broke.

“There may be tough times, but the difficulties which you face will make you more determined to achieve your objectives and to win against all the odds.” Marta is a soccer player. The short write up on her life describes her father leaving her family when she was one year old. So, her mom had to work outside of the home. She started playing soccer in the street. Despite living in a poor area and financial struggles of her family, she competed in the Women’s World Cup.

Terezinha Guilhermina “sprints blindfolded, alongside a sighted guide runner.” She is blind and competes in the Paralympics. This reminded of the faith walk that I tried to do at 4h camp. I peaked down below the blindfold but it still was scary to walk the course while being guided by another participant. I can’t imagine the level of trust that this must have taken for her to sprint while being guided by a sighted person.

“I’d rather regret the risks that didn’t work out than the chances I didn’t take at all.” Simone Biles is a gymnast who spent sometime in foster care and raised by her grandparents.

Posted on

The Lord is my shepherd

My pastor mentioned this psalm (23) in his sermon today. I have used this psalm as a way to calm myself down. I can recite parts of it. Yet, today I had a completely different reaction.

My first attempt at a video.

I told him that I struggle with the gap between God’s promises and reality. The psalmist describes God as fulfilling our need for food,water and shelter. I have read that sheep can drown if the water is moving too fast. So, the reference to “still waters” can be a description of the shepherd caring for the safety of his/her flock.

Yet, the world is full of suffering. I saw a homeless man sleeping in a doorway of a local non-profit while walking my street last night. He had a little mat under him and the hood of his jacket down over his face. He laid his head on some of the bags near him. I thought about taking a picture, leaving some food or a blanket nearby him. But, I have read that some people lace food/drink with laxatives and give it to a homeless person. So, I had no idea if he’d even trust the water bottle if I left one. I remembered how scared I was when I accidently locked myself out of my apartment and had to wait until the next morning to get let back in. I spent some of that time laying on my stuff half asleep outside of my apartment door. I kept wondering if someone would come and beat me up for my purse or rape me. I felt so vulnerable and desperate to go to the bathroom. I learned that our Walmart is not 24/7 when I was trying to get to a bathroom.

I know that God wants us to work for justice in our society. But, I don’t know how. I am too nervous to talk to an elected official. I tend to stutter when I speak to someone in authority. I almost do it on my boss at work. I really enjoy the fact that very few people talk to me at work. It is close to an introvert’s dream.

I thought about writing letters since I love to write. But, my state legislature is heavily gerrymandered which helps them to do what they want with little concern about what the people want.

Where do you see suffering and/or injustice?

Are you working to change your community in some way?

What are some ideas for us introvert’s on how we can fight for more justice and compassion in our communities?

Posted on

Quotes about persistence

Due to the tight labor market, I am making more money than I used to. So, I am looking for a nicer apartment. I still can’t afford the majority of them though. I have had two viewings canceled. The cancellation email claimed that the apartment went off the market. Yet, the apartments are still listed on their website as available. On another apartment, I viewed it and applied. Someone else applied before me and was approved a little after they received my application. I am losing my desire to keep looking. So, I needed a boost in my morale. Here is some quotes about the value of persisting even when life gets hard.

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins-not through strength but be perseverance.” H. Jackson Browne Jr. Wikipedia says,”Horace Jackson Brown Jr. (March 14, 1940 – November 30, 2021) was an American author who was best known for his inspirational book, Life’s Little Instruction Book, which was a New York Times Best Seller (1991–1994). Its sequel Life’s Little Instruction Book: Volume 2 also made it to the same best seller list in 1993.” I remember this book but can’t remember if I have read it. Water seems to be weak but it made the Grand Canyon. How? Persistence.

Grand Canyon. I want to visit some day.

“Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.” F. Scott Fitzgerald I think this quote is a reminder to try again if the first attempts fail. I have read of entrepreneurs who had to start two or three businesses before they succeed.

“I hold a doctrine, to which I owe not much, indeed, but all the little I ever had, namely that with ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.” Sir Thomas Fowell Buxton

Posted on

Prayer for courage

Lord God, you have called your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending,

by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown.

Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Lutheran Book of Worship 1978

Posted on

5 everyday things that bring me joy

What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?

WordPress shared this post idea with me. So, here is my response.

The first thing that brings me joy is my plants.

Petunia growing in a pot on my windowsill.

The second thing that brings me joy is my rock painting.

My painted rocks

The third thing that brings me joy is books and information. I am currently reading my way through a US history book.

The fourth thing that gives me joy is my family and friends. My dad and I talk twice a week on the phone. My sister and mom text or message me regularly. I talk with my friends too.

The fifth thing that gives my joy is God and my hope for the future. I can’t know the future but I know that God knows it and loves me. I know that He will be there with me. My family and friends will be there too.

Posted on

Kindness quotes

“How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it!” George Elliston

Ms. Elliston is an American Journalist. This quote is from a poem. She donated money to a university. This reminds of a story that my dad told me last week. Three old ladies paid for his meal at a steak house. He told me, my brother and sister. I think this act of kindness made my dad’s week.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Aesop

Here is an interesting post about this quote. I constantly want to make a difference in a BIG way rather than a small way. So, I need reminders that small “acts of kindness” can make a big difference in the life that you have done it for.

“Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.” Rosalynn Carter

If everyone did this, our world would be a much better place.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” Lao Tzu

This quote made me think of how a patient trainer can make me feel safe enough to try something new with less of a fear of failure or mistakes. I think that is the meaning of the idea that kind words “creates confidence.” The second part makes me think of the need to treat oneself in a kind manner. This will help you to be more creative and explore new ideas.

” A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in it’s vicinity freshen into smiles.” Washington Irving

Chat GDP suggested two others that I liked.

“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Wendy Mass

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Mahatma Gandhi

This quote reminded me of when I was training to be an addiction counselor. The act of listening in a conversation without my emotions or thoughts interfering with my focus is a hard skill to learn. I’d catch myself thinking about something the pretend clients said that is similar to something in my life. Then, I’d want to give advice rather than listening and encouraging him/her to find the solution that works best for them. I know that what is best for me may not be best for someone else. But, this is my instinct.

We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Ronald Reagan.