Category: Uncategorized

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Homelessness

I had a dream that I was homeless. The dream was full of ethical dilemmas.

  1. Is it okay to steal a jacket? I stole a jacket a few times. I rationalized that I needed it to stay warm.
  2. Someone gave me some food with real metal utensils and a glass of juice. I wanted to return the utensils and glass but could not remember where I had got the food. I thought about writing down the address in a notebook when this happened again. Then, I wondered if writing down the address would make the person feel unsafe.
    • 3. I was sleeping on a bus and the bus driver stopped the bus and started talking to a black woman who appeared to be sleeping too. He kept touching her and my neighbor started telling him off. Since my neighbor started telling him off, I joined in but much softer than her complaints. I struggled because I didn’t want to get arrested or kicked out into the cold but felt that the black woman deserved more of a defense than one my neighbor was doing. pray that I never end up homeless because I doubt that I could be ethical and be homeless.

These ethical dilemmas reminded me of some Bible verses.

“Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die: keep falsehoods and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” (Proverbs 30:7-9, NIV)

This odd dream has helped me to understand this verse better. I wonder who Agur, son of Jakeh, is. Here is a sermon based on Agur’s prayer.

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Prayer for Faith

Give us, O Lord, a steadfast heart, which no unworthy affection may drag downwards; give us an unconquered heart, which no tribulation can wear out; give us an upright heart, which no unworthy purpose may tempt aside. Bestow upon us also, O Lord our God, understanding to know You, diligence to seek You, wisdom to find You and a faithfulness that may finally embrace You; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Thomas Aquinas

“O most merciful redeemer, friend, and brother, may we know Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, and follow Thee more nearly, day by day. Amen”.           Richard of Chichester

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Harriet Tubman becomes a General

My local newspaper, the Waukesha Freeman, had an article about her becoming a “one-star brigadier general in the state’s National Guard.” While I knew that she was a conductor on the Underground Railroad, I had never read about her being involved in a military action.

Wikipedia says,”For her guidance of the raid at Combahee Ferry, which liberated more than 700 enslaved people, she is widely credited as the first woman to lead an armed military operation in the United States.” So, the state of Maryland named her a general during a ceremony on Veteran’s day this year.

While finding the above links and reading them, I was surprised to read that she was injured (traumatic brain injury) as a teenager and developed a disability. She managed to rescue many people from slavery and worked on women’s rights while experiencing painful head aches.

“I have heard their groans and sighs, and seen their tears, and I would give every drop of blood in my veins to free them.”

“God’s time is always near. He set the North Star in the heavens; He gave me the strength in my limbs; He meant I should be free.”

“I said to the Lord, I’m going to hold steady on to you, and I know you will see me through.”

and I prayed to God to make me strong and able to fight, and that’s what I’ve always prayed for ever since.”

I think there’s many a slaveholder’ll get to Heaven. They don’t know no better. They acts up to the light they have.”

Here is the website where I found these quotes. Here is a quote of Tubman’s that I found in The Time Is Now by Joan Chittister.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

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Words of Precious Lord, Take My Hand

This hymn feels like when I cry out to God for guidance.

“Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light.

When my way grows dreary, precious Lord, linger near, when my life is almost gone, hear my cry, hear my call, hold my hand lest I fall.

When the darkness appears and the night draws near, and the day is past and gone, at the river I stand, guide my feet, hold my hand.”

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Called to love and serve others

My church is big on the love and grace of God. God loved us so much that He sent His own Son to die a horrible death..

Here is a song called Lord, Whose Love in Humble Service (ELW 712).

“Lord, whose love in humble Service bore the weight of human need, who upon the cross forsaken, worked your perfect deed: we, your servants, bring the worship not of voice alone but heart; consecrating to your purpose every gift which you impart.”

I think this verse explains that we love God because He loved us first.

“Still your children wander homeless; still the hungry cry for bread; still the captives  long for freedom: still in grief we mourn our dead. As you, Lord, in deep compassion healed the sick and freed the soul, by your Spirit send your power to our world to make it whole.”

This verse describes the suffering that has happened for thousands of years before Jesus came to Earth and after He returned to heaven. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by the knowledge of the suffering in our world. I know that I am praying to a compassionate God. The writer, Albert F. Bayly (1901-1984) lived through world war I, the Great depression and world war II. So, he saw a great deal of suffering in his life.

“As we worship, grant us vision , till your love’s revealing light in its height and depth and greatness dawns upon our quickened sight, making known the needs and burdens your compassion bids us bear, stirring us to ardent service, your abundant life to share.”

This verse is a prayer asking God to help us to see the suffering in our world.

“Called by worship to your service, forth in your dear name we go, to the child, the youth, the aged, love in living deeds to show; hope and health, goodwill and comfort, counsel, aid, and peace we give, that your servants, Lord in freedom may your mercy know and live.”

This verse describes our response of loving our neighbors. We are called to serve others just as Jesus loved and served us during His lifetime and death. Now, He advocates for us in heaven.

“God doesn’t want your ability. He wants your availability.” Bobby Bowden

“Make us worthy, Lord, to serve our fellow men throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands this day their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give peace and joy.             Mother Teresa

“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” Dorothy Day.

“And, it all begins with the forgiveness of ourselves and the forgiveness of others. Let us hold our broken world-and our own brokenness-in compassion, light and love. For God’s love reigns forever, forgiveness is the key, reconciliation is the goal, and love is always, always, the answer.” Westina Matthews

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The Intrinsic Exerciser

I am participating in a weight loss program called the EVO study. They are comparing the results of a six month program called the Diabetes Prevention Program which is the standard weight loss program recommended by the CDC and an app based program. One of the weekly readings of the app based group shared a summary of a book titled The Intrinsic Exerciser by Jay Kimiecik. I decided to buy a used copy in response to this summary.

He began the book with a comparison of an extrinsic exerciser versus an intrinsic one. I related to the extrinsic exerciser description because I exercise for the health benefits but knew I’d quit once I stopped receiving support from the EVO study staff. He described an intrinsic exerciser as someone who enjoys exercising rather than doing it for the health benefits. This book reminded me of when I was in cross country in high school. I enjoyed my teammates and the challenge of beating my time. I started working on improving my time in my two to three times a week of cardio. The author also encouraged his readers to set goals for each exercise session. I decided to look for pleasurable things about exercising. So far, I have found a few things that I like about jogging at my local park.

  1. I enjoy being outside by the Fox River
  2. I enjoy seeing and hearing children playing. I have seen children riding bikes and heard them playing at a nearby playground.
  3. I smiled when an elderly couple greeted me because they had seen me jogging the week before.

I plan on continuing to do this for the next few weeks. I doubt that I will fall in love with exercising but I will be able to increase the pleasure of it. Then, I will be able to continue with it .

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No Regrets by Allen Hunt and Matthew Kelly

I bought this book from a local thrift store because I enjoy reading fables about living. I thought that it would be similar to Who Moved the Cheese but I was surprised that it had a Christian perspective on “living your fourth quarter intentionally.” Since I am 51, I am curious to read about and think about how to live the last half of my life.

The main character meets a mentor at her church. He shares with her “5 keys to living and dying with no regrets.”

Say yes to God

God invites you onto a wonderful journey, When you say yes to God’s invitation, you know where you’re going.

Focus on a Fourth Quarter Virtue

Pursue one fourth quarter virtue God has specifically placed in you. Then watch it create blossoms in all areas of your life.

Give.It.Away

The more you give yourself away, the happier you’ll be.

Forgive Often

Bitter and resentful is no way to live. And it’s definitely no way to die.

Be Open to Life

Your fourth quarter can be more of a birthing than a dying. Be Open to what can be.

The first statement about God inviting us to journey with him makes me think of a path in the woods. I imagine God and I walking the path together.

I read a list of 15 virtues that the author shared in the back of the book. I related to the virtues of hope, love,justice and kindness. If I choose a “fourth quarter virtue” it will be one of these.

I want to bloom just like this statement says.

When I read “give it away” I think of my painted rocks, this blog and my YouTube channel. I want to encourage others to keep fighting for their dreams.

How do you relate to these five keys?

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Simone Biles had therapy before competing

I had heard about Biles quitting the Olympics the last time for a mental health issue. I had meant to look it up and see what the issue was. Now, she is the most decorated US women’s gymnastics Olympian.

Here is an article about her experience with therapy. I think she demonstrates that we can struggle with a mental health issue, get treatment and overcome. I suspect she still has anxious thoughts and emotions just like all of us but she found a way to perform at peak levels anyways.

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Church confession

I am sitting at church listening to the other members chatting nearby a counter with brownies and other snacks. Here is the group confession for today.

“God, our provider, help us. It is hard to believe there is enough to share. We question your ways when they differ from the ways of the world in which we live. We turn to our own understanding rather than trusting in you. We take offense at your teachings and your ways. Turn us again to you. Where else can we turn? Share with us the words of eternal life and feed us for life in the world. Amen.

The line about believing that “there is enough to share” made me think of how greedy we get sometimes. I feel more secure when I have money saved up. But, I think some people get to the point that they constantly need more and more in order to feel safe. I like the fact that this guides me to pray for the ability to feel safe in what I have while I share some of it with others.

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Self-care while dieting

How do you practice self-care?

I joined a weight loss study called the EVO study and their calorie goal is 1,500 a day! I suspect that I will feel hungry a lot during the next six months. I am used to eating 2,500 or maybe even 3,000 a day.

Chocolate brownie

So, I am working on planning my coping  techniques. When I was in therapy for depression, I learned about self-acceptance and self-talk. The last time that I went on a diet and lost weight, I felt guilty every time I overate. I will remind myself that I am still a worthwhile person even when I lose my mind and eat every sweet thing that I can get my hands on. I will tell myself that dieting is hard for everyone. It is understandable to fail at times. I am not sure what I will do when I start having food dreams or cravings. Fortunately, I love fruits and salads.

My second plan is to reward myself at specific weight goals. I will go to St. Vincent de Paul when I reach a weight lower than 180. I am currently at 185. I will pat myself on my back mentally for each day that I meet the goal calorie count. I have no idea how to celebrate a week of meeting the goal for the majority of a week.

The study also has a fat goal and exercise goal. The exercise goal gets gradually increased as time goes on.

Another plan that I want to work on is to ask for support from my friends and family. I am uncertain how they can help me. I am not used to exercising with others.

Walking on a path

My favorite exercise is walking but I tend to do it by myself and very slowly. I will do some brisk walking as part of my walks if it will ever stop raining. Another exercise that I enjoy is kayaking down the Fox River but I have to save up money for the kayak rental. I will be looking for some other fun exercise ideas. So, I will use this journey as a way to try out new foods and exercise activities.

As you can tell, I will be putting my therapy experience into a lot of use.

I am thinking about doing a visioning collage as a visual reminder of why I am doing this. If I do, I want something to represent improved health, longer life span, more energy and better self-confidence.

What are you doing to improve your life for yourself?

What are your plans on how to do that?

What challenges are you expecting and how do you plan to respond when they come up?