Tag: bloganuary

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

I have trained four people at work. I have always been afraid of hurting or killing another human by accident as my worst fear.

I realized this during COVID-19. I had COVID and needed to go get some toilet paper out of the trunk of my car. So, I left my apartment building during the day and feared getting near another human. I snuck out and down the sidewalk with no humans in sight. I walked a block to the city parking garage. I heard a door close above me and my heart raced with fear. I hesitated and then entered the closed in stairs to the second floor. I have never forgotten that moment in January of 2021.

This fear is why I have always feared driving. I just didn’t realize that the fear of harming or killing another is the base of most of my fears. I can handle it if I screw up my own life.

Now, I am nervous that I will hurt my trainee’s ability to do the job by forgetting to teach her something. I know that I will admit my mistake and work to fix it when I become aware of it.

How does one learn to make decisions for others? Leaders have to be comfortable making decisions that will impact others. I want to become a leader. But, it scares me to take on more responsibility.

What’s your dream job?

As a child, I wanted to become a doctor and go overseas as a missionary. I believed that God had called me to this dream job. I took biology with some side courses for pre-med. Then, the med students came by my lab class and talked about never studying before medical school. I think I had to study in every grade. I know that I studied in middle school and high school. Years before my step-father yelled “You’re too stupid to be a doctor.” I tried to argue back because I knew that I’d never forget him saying that. Sometimes, I thought about becoming a child psychologist in order to help other children who struggle like I did.

I never went to medical school because I discovered that I freeze up when in a crisis. A neighbor in my dorm building was in the bathroom sounding sick. I suggested that she take some medication and went down stairs in order to do laundry. When I passed back by, a man was standing outside of the restroom asking for help getting her unconscious body out of the restroom. Did I help? No. I stood frozen and had a bunch of negative thoughts. I couldn’t be a doctor or nurse. Someone tried to tell me that I could train enough to be able to function under high stress. I doubted it then and still doubt it.

While this dream died, I realized that the main part of the dream is the desire to help others. This desire is still very strong in my heart. Now, I hope I can use this blog to encourage others. I have read many encouraging books and quotes. Many of us have so much potential but we need a little encouragement in our darkest moments to keep from giving up. This is what I want to do for my readers.

Sometimes, a dream dies. But, the driving desire behind the dream lives on. So, I suggest that you ask yourself why a certain job is a dream job. You may find something else that fulfills that aching desire.

What is your mission?

I have had this blog since 2018. I started this blog because I wanted to encourage others especially Christians who struggle with mental health issues.

Since I am a Christian who lives with depression, I think I have an interesting perspective in this area.

So my mission for this blog is to offer encouragement to my fellow Christians. I plan to do this by sharing my struggles and successes at times, discussing quotes from famous people, Bible study discussions, listing local resources and educational writing.

I called it Listeninghearts because I want to support and encourage my readers.

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” Albert Schweitzer

May I be this person for someone. May others help me to keep going when I feel hopeless or discouraged. Amen.

What could you do differently?

Since I have already blogged about my goals for 2024, I will share one that I didn’t mention in my previous post.

I moved into a nicer apartment last year. So, I pay more in rent now. So, I am going back to living on a budget.

I will try to reduce how much that I spend at Walmart. I will try to avoid buying more books or clothes. It is hard to say no when I see a cute short for a cheap price.

I will also be more careful about purchasing stuff on Amazon. Success in this goal will be seeing that I am spending less than I am earning. Then, my checking account will return to growing slowly until I transfer money into savings. I want my money to earn some interest or dividends too.

What are your biggest challenges?

Ever since 2020, I have felt like every year is weird. One challenge that I have is my huge heart. When I read about people dying, I imagine what it must be like to be them. When the Ukraine-Russia war started, I imagined the fear and anger of the people. Now, I contemplate the struggles of the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. So, I have to limit my news reading and listening at times in order to keep me from feeling overwhelmed. I have no idea how a God that knows all the suffering on our planet and loves all people can deal with it all. Yet, He allows it to continue. I hope He explains things to me when I get to heaven. I have asked why so many times in my prayers but He chooses to not answer me.

Another challenge for me is my negative thinking patterns. I find that when I make mistakes repeatedly I beat myself up mentally. But I will make mistakes when I work on learning something new. I posted a collection of quotes about making errors and learning from them a few days ago. I might post a quote from this at work in order to remind me to learn from mistakes and keep practicing the new skill.

I am very good at procrastinating and being lazy too. I was planning a special meal today but I got up too late to cook it since it is a slow cooker recipe. I enjoy reading books and sleeping very much. My brain loves to roam around as I fall asleep. So, I struggle to keep up on household chores and other adult responsibilities. My goal is to do a half hour of chores most days of the week in 2024. I also want to walk 15 minutes for most days in a week. My doctor recommended that I do this to help improve my health. It seemed like such a small thing which made me add it to my list of resolutions.

I love to eat sweets way too much. Since diabetes runs in my family, I know that I need to watch how much I eat and eat healthier in the new year. My plan is to eat more vegetables and fruits and watch serving sizes.

What are your challenges and plans to work on them during this new year?