I just finished reading this devotional book. Here are some quotes and my thoughts.
“Lord Jesus, show me Your love in the midst of my biggest fears, and give me the courage to risk doing what I am afraid of. Amen”
Guess what I have never done. I have never asked for a pay raise. I hate asking anyone for anything because I fear being rejected. I especially avoid asking an authority figure for things.
“On any given day, you may be super stressed and really want to take a break from everything. But please know that you’re worth a lot more than your feelings will tell you. One day – no matter how rough it is – does not define your life. Your purpose and calling give you an important place in the world. Do not give up. Hold tight to God. There is so much more joy to come and so many people counting on you to keep going. (Pg. 115)
My brain loves to lie to me in this way. I think cognitive behavioral therapy calls this catastrophizing. One or two things go wrong such as a fight with a family member. Then, I start thinking that I can’t get along with anyone. The memories of a lifetime of arguments swirl in my head. Yet, it is impossible for me or anyone to argue all the time. While I sometimes argue in my dreams and wake up angry, I know that I rarely argue at work.
“There are hundreds of comments saying that I sound annoying when I talk. Do these things hurt me? Sure. Because I’m human, and sometimes the comments sting. But I don’t let those little stings stop me from doing what I love to do and from using my voice in the spaces where God opens doors for me to speak. (Pg. 117)”
“Lord, knowing that everybody fails doesn’t make it any easier. So I pray that You would give me the courage to keep doing what You want me to do – even if it means getting roasted. I pray Your voice would be louder than the hate. Amen. (Pg. 117)”
I fear confrontation and worry about what others will think of me. Will they think I am too stupid to do my job? I sometimes think this when I get corrected on how to do something two or three times in an hour. The knowledge that I am learning a new job helps to reduce the thought’s volume and impact until the next correction. I have been at the new job for over two months and have already cried twice. I discovered that I am sensitive about my hand writing. Yet, it is readable.
“The Lord wants to help us strengthen our faith. He understands it’s hard to believe sometimes. So if you’re struggling with faith, I encourage you to ask God to give you the faith to believe. You can also pray that He will give you the strength that you need or that He’ll help you believe that you are loved and that you are enough. Or maybe it goes deeper and you need to ask Him for the faith to believe that your life matters and your breath has purpose. That’s not too far out to ask God for. That’s not too crazy to pray for. It’s exactly what God wants you to do. (Pg. 161)
This quote reminds me of when I was deep in a depression episode. I was praying for strength to get through the work day every morning. By the end of the day, my rational thinking part of my brain was too tired to keep up the fight against the negative thinking side of my brain. It is amazing how much work it is to fight your own brain. I’d just stare at walls or cry due to insufficient mental energy to keep up the fight. Thanks to therapy, medication and God, this time ended. I hope I don’t experience another episode.
“Lord, give me the courage to not let feeling awkward or foolish keep me from using the gifts You have given me. I humble myself to exalt Your name. Amen. (Pg. 199)
I believe that God gave me the gifts of compassion and writing.