I painted some rocks blue and yellow to show my support of Ukraine. Since Sophia has a Support Ukraine event at my church, St Luke’s I put my rocks near the church. I hope they make someone smile.
The event had a bake sale, silent auction, music and some dancing. I bought me some sweets and two sunflower pins.
Sunflower pins
During the program, I googled sunflowers and Ukraine. I discovered that sun flowers are the national flower of Ukraine. The article also described how they planted sun flowers at Chernobyl.
I tried to take some pictures but it was too dark and far from my seat to get good pictures.
War! Maybe it will be world war three. Pandemic! The news is full of scary stuff. Here is some ideas on how to cope.
Limit news viewing The first time that I had to find a way to cope with scary news was 9/11/2001. I was glued to the news. I finally had to go for a walk just to disconnect from the constant news watching. While I wanted to know what was happening, I discovered that I needed to take breaks.
Look for the helpers or heros‘When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me,”Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”‘ Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) I have found that focusing on the helpers and heros helps me to feel hopeful. Yesterday, I wrote an article about some of the heros in the Russia Ukraine war. I have also found some stories about people helping. The Rachel Maddow show shared the story of a German offering rides at the border. Uber is offering free rides at the Poland border. People are renting Airbnbs in Ukraine as a way to send money to people dealing with the war.
Find a way to help if possible The previous paragraph mentioned some ways that people have found to help. There are plenty of other ways. Here is a list of charities helping Ukraine. I haven’t found a way for me at this time. I am saving money in prep for my upcoming lay off in May. So, I am limiting my giving to my church. Yet, I think finding a way to help can help with the feelings of helplessness.
Help others to cope This is what I am hoping to do through this post. This can be as simple as allowing someone to talk about their feelings about all of the scary stuff in the news. My dad and I talked for a while about this. It could be encouraging someone at work.
Sense of humor It may seem like laughing at scary news is mean. But, listening to coronavirus parody songs helped me to get through ten days of self isolating due to having Covid-19. I started playing a game of dancing to the songs and seeing how long I could last before I had to stop to cough. It was a fun way to see that the cough was weakening. It also can remind you and me that we are all experiencing similar feelings.
We are all in this together. We may only be watching but we are still feeling strong emotions in response to it.
People would be better if I were dead. This thought ran through my head numerous times during high school. Since I couldn’t get along with my step-father, I made my mom and sister miserable.
If I kill myself, it will hurt my parents. This is another one of my high school thoughts. While I see now that they cancel each other out, I didn’t see it then.
This tombstone says, “There is no feet too small that it can not leave an imprint on this world.”
This saying is what reminded me of my past two thoughts. I found myself praying that I have left a positive impact on this world.
If you are having thoughts of suicide like I did in high school, please asked a friend, teacher, parent, couch, co-worker or a hotline volunteer for help. We all need to get help at times.
If you need help, please call 800-273-8255 (national suicide hotline) or visit your local hospital especially when you don’t trust yourself not to act on the thoughts.
Emotions come and go. Hence, no matter how bad I feel, I know that it will pass. I was caring for a client by sitting with him. He was part of a group home and required 24/7 supervision. He had a very strong anxiety due to past mistreatment. I just reassured him regularly and stayed very calm. Like my emotions, it passed for him too.
Emotions come and go like waves.
My brain lies to me by exaggerating the importance of events or mistakes that I have made. The negative thinking part of my brain has repeatedly told me that I always break the items that I am assembling at work. My brain takes a single incident and then it claims that it happens everyday. My CBT monkey (the part of my brain that is trained to use cognitive behavioral training) catches these thinking errors and works to correct them.
Everyone perceives the world differently based on their past experiences. As a child, I discovered that I interpreted the world different than those around me. My thinking is so negative that I have trouble getting some people to understand me. It makes people want to run away. Others argue with me until I start defending a belief that only the depressed part of my brain believes. Sometimes this makes me feel like no one understands me. Yet, it helps me to understand that a person can love the US but disagree on how to run the country. I believe that both Republicans and Democrats care deeply about the US. We just disagree on what is best for the country.
While everybody’s experience is different, there are similarities in our emotional experiences. I remember attending a support group. Another member was describing a symptom of his/her mental health issue. I started fidgeting in my chair because I recognized my experience in it. Over the years, I have learned that others have experienced symptoms similar to mine.
It was strange for me to think about depression in this way. I would love to never have depression ever again. What have you learned from your depression, anxiety or tough times?
“God’s purpose for each of us is to love others and point them back to Him and His love (pg. 7, Live on Purpose by Sadie Robertson Huff)
I thought God was calling me to be a missionary doctor.
I grew up believing that God had a special call on my life. As time went on, I begged God to reveal His will. I thought that He wanted me to be a missionary doctor in some far away country. I played a game once with an atlas. I closed my eyes and randomly selected a page while asking God to guide my hands. I pointed at a map and opened my eyes to see that I had found a US map rather than some far away mission field. This annoyed me because I didn’t think living in the US with an ordinary job could be a calling.
As I continued to learn the Bible, I discovered that any job can be a calling. The Bible teaches us how to live not what career we should have. Honesty. Loving kindness towards others. Encourage each other. Praying for each other. Living in a Church community. Allowing others to help you when you need it. Reaching out for help when you need it. These are the ways that we live out our calling.
People can have a calling on their life no matter what their job is.
What are you doing to be honest? Are you working to show loving kindness? Encouraging others? Praying for others?
Are you able to allow others to help you? Jesus allowed women to provide Him and His disciples with food and housing. Allowing others to help you is very hard. It feels like you are a burden to that person. Yet, it is part of our calling. Shame and guilt may swirl around in your brain. But, God designed His Church with a command to help each other. No church is perfect but if help is available and you need it, ask. If you need counseling or medications, seek out that help. God made us to live in community rather than in isolation.
“Christ has no body now on earth but yours; yours are the only hands with which he can do his work, yours are the only feet with which he can go about the world, yours are the only eyes through which his compassion can shine forth upon a troubled world. Christ has no body on earth now but yours. St. Teresa of Avila
I wrote goals in 2020 and 2021. Then Covid-19 came to town. I tossed out all of 2020’s goals and replaced them with a goal to stay sane. In 2021, I had a work goal to learn new skills including soldering. But, my employer never resumed training due to Covid-19. Now, I don’t think Covid-19 will end in 2022. I believe that the pandemic will last all year.
This year I have a list of goals. Some are very vague such as get a new job due to my upcoming lay off. Yet, others are more detailed such as my plan to post two times a week on this website. Thursdays will be thanksgiving Thursdays while Fridays will be feel good Friday. Once a month, I will share quotes from a book that I have read. The book may be a Bible study book, Christian non-fiction or a self-help book.
My sister C started posting monthly goals on Facebook. She has been doing a few years. I started sharing monthly goals with her. I find that the yearly goals can guide my monthly goals. I think this idea can help you and me to be more flexible as our world keeps rapidly changing. It is also easier to wrap my mind around a month rather than a year.
What are your goals for the year? What books do you plan to read?
On November 21st, a man drove a red SUV into people marching in our Christmas parade. Six people died because of this action. Here are a collection of pictures of my community’s response to this tragedy.
At first, main street where this took place had press everywhere.
Press along main street after the Christmas parade tragedyPress along main street after the Christmas parade tragedy
While looking at the press along the street, I noticed and orange marks on the street. I suspected they were evidence markings.
Colored marks on street the Christmas parade tragedy
As time went by, items began showing up at Veteran’s Park where the city invited people to leave memorial items.
Local businesses began posting messages of support.
Waukesha strong decorations in downtown WaukeshaA memorial tree was placed at Veteran’s Park.
The Christmas parade memorial was decommissioned and put into storage earlier this week (Wednesday morning). Now a few more items have appeared.
Now empty veteran’s Park sundial. The spot where the memorial Christmas tree used to stand.
Usually, I feel hope for the new year. But, this year I don’t feel any hope or excitement for the new year. Pandemic is continuing while I wait for Covid-19 test results just like I did in January 2021. My nation, USA, feels more divided than ever. My employer will be laying me off in February or March. I am still waiting for my official 60 day notice as required by Wisconsin.
Here is my meme attempt about 2022
So, I am reminding myself that Jesus will be my shepherd just like he has done in the past. My family, friends and church will be there for me too if I reach out and ask. (I struggle with this part.)
I struggle with asking for help from my family, friends and church.
Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life…And Maybe The World is by Admiral William H. McRaven. He wrote the book as an expansion on a speech given to the graduating class of 2014 at the University of Texas.
“They all understood that life is hard and that sometimes there is a little you can do to affect the outcome of your day. In battle soldiers die, families grieve, your days are long and filled with anxious moments. You search for something that can give you solace, that can motivate you to begin your day, that can be a sense of pride in an oftentimes ugly world. (Pg 9)’
A great many therapists will suggest selecting one small thing that can make your life better. My city, Waukesha,Wisconsin, had six people die due to a man driving a red SUV into our Christmas parade. I want to help but can’t donate blood since I gave on the eighteenth. I am concerned about my upcoming layoff which is limiting my willingness to donate money. Yet, I love painting rocks. While I am not any good at it, I made six rocks. One for each victim as my way of mourning their deaths and the changes to parade preparations.
What is one simple thing you can do to make your life or community better?
“It is easy to blame your lot in life on some outside force, to stop trying because you believe fate is against you. It is easy to think that where you were raised, how your parents treated you, or what school you went to is all that determines your future. Nothing could be further than the truth. The common people and the great men and women are all defined by how they deal with life’s unfairness; Helen Keller, Nelson Mandela, Stephen Hawking, Malala Yousafzai and Moki Martin (pg. 42.)”
Our past can add challenges to our endeavor to succeed in life, it can’t keep us from success. Sometimes, we have to change our goals in response to our limitations.
I dreamed of becoming a doctor when I was in high school and college. Then I learned that I freeze in emergency situations. I am now hoping I can find a way to help others through this blog. My desire to help others was my main reason for wanting to be a doctor. Now, it is my main reason for blogging and praying for others.
What are your dreams? If they are not reachable, what are your top three reasons for wanting this dream? Is there another goal that can help you to achieve this desire?
“Life is a struggle and the potential for failure is ever present, but those who live in fear of failure, or hardship, or embarrassment will never achieve their potential. Without pushing your limits, without occasionally sliding down the rope headfirst, without daring greatly you will never know what is truly possible in life. (Pg.63)”
I am not a risk taker. Yet, I am risking a failure in my writing and blogging dream by having this blog. Why? I know that if I don’t try I will always wonder if I could have succeeded.
What is one thing that you can do to work on a goal or dream?
In March of 2020, my employer gave us essential employee letters to carry with us as we commuted to and from work. My mom worked at Walmart while my sister worked in a tax office. I learned that we are all essential to each other, our communities, families and friends regardless of our jobs.
As the pandemic continued, I discovered a fear of hurting people by breathing near them. Sometimes, I would hold my breath when I came close to people. I realized that my fear of driving is because of my fear of scaring, hurting or killing another person. Driving is probably the situation where this most likely.
In January 2021, I had Covid-19. The fear of hurting someone became much stronger. During the ten day self isolation, I waited until my local businesses closed for the night and slipped out to drop my rent check in the mail drop box and retrieve some toilet paper from my car trunk. As I was entering the parking garage, I heard a human. Yes, that is how my brain registered it. I froze in fear for a few seconds but never saw anyone. I managed to return home without seeing a person. Afterwards, I found myself wondering what I would have done it I has seen someone. Run away probably while crying. Would I have said COVID positive? I have no idea. That fear of breathing near others came up at work and the parking garage. I joked to myself that it was PTSD like. I learned how strong my fear can be and my need to be around people. I now enjoy sitting where I can hear people laughing and talking. I never used to do that. I am an introvert who loves to stay home alone but not for ten days.
On the last day of self isolation, I had to cancel an eye surgeon appointment. When I went to the re-scheduled appointment, I complained about having to cancel in order to finish the self isolation. The lady checking temperatures thanked me for doing that. In my head, I replied that it had nothing to do with her. Then, I mentally listed my neighbors, co-workers and those I might have come into contact with as people I was protecting from me. Then, I realized that she was probably in that last group. I still remember her words. This reinforced my belief that words matter.
In April and May, I received the Pfizer vaccine. The first dose made me tired and chilly while at work. The second dose made me dizzy for a day. The second day, I felt off for a day. In December, I got a booster shot and slept the next day away. The dizziness discouraged me from wanting to move around my two room apartment.
Everyone of us has made sacrifices to help others such as staying home while infected, quarantining, vaccines and wearing masks. Thank you to every person who has helped in the medical community and others who have made these sacrifices.
What have you sacrificed to help others during this pandemic? What have you learned from this pandemic?
