Category: Uncategorized

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Learning to train

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

I have trained four people at work. I have always been afraid of hurting or killing another human by accident as my worst fear.

I realized this during COVID-19. I had COVID and needed to go get some toilet paper out of the trunk of my car. So, I left my apartment building during the day and feared getting near another human. I snuck out and down the sidewalk with no humans in sight. I walked a block to the city parking garage. I heard a door close above me and my heart raced with fear. I hesitated and then entered the closed in stairs to the second floor. I have never forgotten that moment in January of 2021.

This fear is why I have always feared driving. I just didn’t realize that the fear of harming or killing another is the base of most of my fears. I can handle it if I screw up my own life.

Now, I am nervous that I will hurt my trainee’s ability to do the job by forgetting to teach her something. I know that I will admit my mistake and work to fix it when I become aware of it.

How does one learn to make decisions for others? Leaders have to be comfortable making decisions that will impact others. I want to become a leader. But, it scares me to take on more responsibility.

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My hopes for 2026

Every year, I set New Year’s resolutions and fail them by February. I try to focus on different aspects of my life.

Religion/spiritual growth.

Growth as an employee.

Relationships with others.

My well being.

What areas of your life do you want to work on in 2026?

In my Christian life, I want to maintain short devotional times during breakfast. I sometimes run out of time when getting up for work. But, other times I am listening to a YouTube video. Right now, I am reading a devotional from my church. I hope to return to reading my harmony of the gospels in the evenings. I will probably grab a devotional from church for the mornings.

At work, I am working on becoming a department lead. I have helped train three people so far at work.

Every year, I set a goal of spending more time with friends. Yet, I slip into my  introverted love of being home alone. I plan to write more letters to my family and friends. This makes me feel connected without the constant worry that I will interrupt them by calling them or asking to spend time with them. Although, I want to try to do more calling them and spending time with them. I just know that I will talk myself out of it at times. So, I want to try writing letters because I have a collection of blank cards.

I would love to learn Spanish and find more ways to stand up for democracy and help others too. But, I am uncertain what opportunities to help others will show up in 2026. I will pray for those opportunities, the ability to recognize them and guidance on how to respond.

I want to lose weight but I am not sure if I am willing to put in the effort. I find the constant battle with my sweet tooth, tendency to eat when bored and love for food to be exhausting.

What are your goals for 2026?

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God’s gifts

“We are showered every day with gifts, but they are not meant for us to keep. Their life is in their movement, the inhale and the exhale of our shared breath. Our work and our joy is to pass along the gift and to trust that what we put out into the universe will always come back.” Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass

God gives us gifts so that we can use them to help or bless others. There is a line that says,”Blessed to be a blessing.”

“Generous God, among the trappings of this season, grant us wisdom to receive the gifts you bring. Help us share those gifts with those in need. Amen. Humble and Holy: Devotions for Advent & Christmas 2025-2026

Sharing in a messy way
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Advent and Christmas quotes

Advent is the time that leads into the Christmas season. We use this time to prepare for the coming of Christ through his birth. The church year is a way to celebrate the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

“I believe we also light [Advent candles] as symbols of a world we imagine to be possible when Jesus comes to earth-a world where hope,peace,joy and love will reign.” Callie E. Swanlund, From Weary to Wholehearted.

The world looks so peaceful from space. If only it was peaceful for real

It feels like peace in our world is impossible. Israel fighting Palestinians. Russia fighting Ukraine. I am fighting with myself on whether my country, the USA, is at war with Venezuela right now. I want to give my nation the benefit of doubt but I suspect that we want oil and rare earth minerals.

My church shared this song in a devotional email.

Let It Be In My Heart
by Liturgical Folk

REFRAIN
Your word, O Lord, isn’t hard to hear;
It’s hard to take to heart.
Your call is open; it’s clean and clear
To those who play their part.

VERSE 1
If you should send your Angel to pass
along your word,
Or should it be a quiet little bird,
Let it be, let it be in my heart
As it is in your will.

VERSE 2
Don’t want to be like Sarah, laughing
under breath,
Nor Gideon, who tested what you said.
Let it be, let it be in my heart
As it is in your will.

VERSE 3
Like simple Ananias, may I trust your plan,
Then answer with a brimming, “Here I
am.”
Let it be, let it be in my heart
As it is in your will.

VERSE 4
Now may I with Mary hear your call today,
And, though I am afraid, clearly say,
Let it be, let it be in my heart
As it is in your will.

My church did a skit of Joseph talking to a female friend about his decision to marry Mary while knowing that she is pregnant with God’s child. The Joseph character expressed a willingness to obey and make room for God to do His will. So, this song went really well into our church service.

Today is Christmas eve.

“Jesus came to earth in humility, which centers those who have too long been at the margins. What does it mean to focus on those who are left behind, powerless, suffering, or invisible? We may be called to enter spaces that are uncomfortable or unfamiliar. We might be invited to listen to voices that we have overlooked.” Humble and Holy: Devotions for Advent &Christmas 2025-2026 by Augsburg Fortress

This feels like a wonderful quote for me to ponder while I enjoy time with the family and await the celebration of the birth of Christ. Merry Christmas to my readers.

“King Herod was not prepared to accept a new king of the Jews. Is there a truth you do not wish to acknowledge? What truth could empower you and others?” Humble and Holy: Devotions for Advent & Christmas 2025-2026 by Augsburg Fortress

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My Prayer for the US people

It saddens me that Republicans and Democrats can’t even agree on the facts any more. I don’t see how to debate politics when we can’t agree on the facts.

My Republican friends and family trust news sources that I suspect are lying. While, they think that my fellow Democrats and I are being lied to.

I have prayed to God that He will help all of us in the US to see the world and our nation in the way that it is rather than what we think it is. I just realized that I should be asking God to give us the strength and wisdom to be able to handle this knowledge.

Dear God

My heart breaks as I read news about fellow citizens and residents suffering in my country. I have been proud of my nation’s generosity for most of my life.

Now, I feel like our hearts are closing ourselves off from our neighbors. We are viewing each other as terrorists, traitors or evil. Yet, we all love this nation in our own way. Help us to see people who we disagree with as people rather than something to hate.

Please help us to see the truth about our nation and its relationships with other nations. I believe that the truth will help free us from this hatred that is running rampant in our nation. Grant us the strength to be able to handle the truth no matter how different it may be from what we think the truth is. Once we know the truth, guide us on how to respond to and act on that truth. Amen.

I am reading a devotional for Advent and Christmas. Here is a quote full of hope.

We may live through difficult, even oppressive, times when it seems that suffering in our world will never end. The birth of Jesus is a reminder that his reign of peace is the only kingdom that endures.

We can find comfort in communities of faith that acknowledge the suffering in our world, find strength together to endure, and receive hope and courage to work for that reign of Christ that is eternal. Humble and Holy:Devotions for Advent &Christmas 2025-2026 by Augsburg Fortress

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Quotes from The Lombardi Rules

I recently read The Lombardi Rules by Vince Lombardi, Jr. While the book was a short and easy read, I found a few good quotes. The book is intended to guide new leaders.

“Most important, character is a series of decisions and choices that you make as you grow and mature. Character is not something that is handed to you; it must be forged through years of hard work and discipline. It is the culmination of years of choosing to act one way rather than another, of choosing truth over deception, respect over arrogance, compassion over cruelty.”  (Pg.18)

While at work, I have told people that character takes a long time to build but destroying it is fast.

Monarch butterfly

I chose a butterfly to signify the journey of building character. A butterfly starts as a caterpillar and becomes a butterfly in secret just as we build character outside of the eyes of others.

“Great achievements require courage, determination, drive, and a willingness to pay the price.” (Pg. 35)

I question whether I am willing to pay the price. I prefer not to work overtime at work. I give my all when at work but I rarely stay late. I want to become a lead for a small work group some day.

“Even if you don’t feel you’re getting the visibility you deserve, continue to hone your skills and demonstrate your competence. Years of obscurity gave Lombardi the chance to improve his technique.” (Pg. 70-71)

This quote makes me think of the value of being faithful.

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My summer adventure

This spring, my local park (Parkview Park) got a grant to install a butterfly enclosure. I started visiting it almost daily.

Inside the enclosure, there is a poster showing the life cycle of Monarch butterflies.

Monarch butterfly life cycle

I enjoyed seeing these stages in real life this summer.

Here is an egg on a milkweed leaf (I hope). I had trouble finding them and sometimes wondered if it was white sap from the plant on it. So, I put them into the plastic bowl and hoped.

The next stage is a caterpillar. They start off very tiny and eat only milkweed. As time goes on, they get bigger.

Monarch butterfly caterpillars

When they are ready, they hang themselves upside down in a J shape.

Monarch butterfly caterpillars

I wanted to see a caterpillar make the chrysalis but never got to.The chrysalises started out light green and slowly developed some gold sparkles as time went by. Then, they become transparent with the butterfly visible inside.

Monarch butterfly in a transparent chrysalis.

When it got this far, I knew that I’d see a butterfly in a day or two.

Monarch butterfly awaiting release

Here is a butterfly that landed in the butterfly garden after release.

Two Monarch butterflies on flowers

The day after I attended my first release gathering, the sound of the girl saying “stretch” every time the butterfly opened its wings ran through my mind for hours at work.

Later in the summer, Lisa Salb began sticking numbered stickers to their wings. If other people find them, they can enter them online and track their path. I hope some fly to Mexico and I hear about it.

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The Lord’s Prayer for Justice

My church says the Lord’s Prayer during each of our worship services. Here is the version that I am used to.

Our Father, who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name,

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread;

and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us;

and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

My pastor shared a few other versions of the prayer. One version was titled “The Lord’s Prayer for Justice.” An American nun and author named Joan Chrittister wrote it.

Our Father who art in heaven…

Remind us that you are not only in heaven but here on earth too,

In the faces of the poor, the hungry, the homeless,

And the forgotten.

Hallowed by thy name…

May the reverence we give your name

Pull us from our petty preoccupations

And focus us on your will for the world.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done…

Help us to build your kingdom here:

A kingdom of peace, justice, and mercy.

Give us this day our daily bread…

So that we may share with others

What we have received from your hand.

Forgive us our trespasses…

As we open our hearts to forgive those

Who have offended us.

Lead us not into temptation…

Especially the temptation to close our eyes

To the injustice around us.

But deliver us from evil…

For our world is fraught with darkness.

Let us be bearers of your light.

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory,

Forever and ever. Amen.

My pastor gave us a copy of this prayer. I really like it. The first verse reminds me of the Catholic Worker Movement. I have read about Dorothy Day and Mother Theresa and loved their focus on helping the least among us. This prayer is a great guide on how I want to live my life.

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Hope Always Rises

While at Martha Merrel’s bookstore, I found a local author’s book. It was titled Hope Always Rises by Kathie Giorgio.

Hope killed herself with Zinfandel and Zoloft and awoke in heaven. She took up residence in a gated community for people who committed suicide. They have group therapy on Wednesdays. Giorgio shares her experiences in heaven and the suicide stories of the people that Hope meets.

“Hi, Hope,” he said. “I’m God. And welcome to Heaven. I’m going to sit with you for a while, until you’re ready to see where you’re living now.” (PG. 3)

This line made me cry. Offering to sit with someone is one of the best ways to respond to someone who is sad or depressed.

While I know that people don’t want to reward someone for committing suicide, I believe that God will welcome his followers even after suicide. He knows how hard it is to live in this world especially when our brains insult us or lie to us.

I dream of a heaven where I can learn new things, hear the stories of my new neighbors and explore the universe. I can’t imagine myself sitting on a cloud or golfing. I want to find an activity that makes people happy on Earth and in heaven.

What do you want to do in heaven?

Who do you want to meet in heaven?

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A lasting legacy

If you could have something named after you, what would it be?

I have a friend whose father has a medical school  named after him due to a large donation. I have always wanted to leave behind a legacy of saved lives.

I would love to have a well dug in some water deprived community with a small plaque with my name on it. Or maybe, a life saving drug that I discovered.

I want to be remembered as a world changer. Yet, my life is so ordinary that I doubt that people will remember me much after I die.

Here is a quote from The Lost Choice by Andy Andrews.

I made you different from the others.

On the planet Earth, there has never been one like…and there never will be again.

Your spirit,your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason-all exist in no one else….

Of the multitudes who have come before you and the multitudes who may follow, not one of them duplicates the formula with which I made you. …

I made you different in order that you might make a difference.

You have been created with the ability to change the world. Every single choice you make…every single action you take…matters. But remember, the converse is also true. Every choice you do not make…every action you do not take…matters just as much! …

By your hand, millions of lives will be altered, caught up in a chain of events begun by you this very day. But, the opposite is true as well. Millions of lives are also altered, caught up in an entirely different chain of events-if you choose to weight.

You possess the power of choice. Free will. You have been given everything you need to act, but the choice is yours alone. And beginning this very moment, you will choose wisely.

Now go. And never feel inadequate again. Do not dwell on thoughts of insignificance or wander aimlessly, lost, like a sheep.

You are powerful. You matter. And you have been found

You are my choice.

Your Father

I believe that God gave us talents and passions that are unique to each individual. He wants us to discover our abilities and desires and use them to make our communities, families and work places better.

My dream is to use this blog to encourage other Christians with a mental illness. I am better at writing than talking to people.

My prayer is for you all to find your calling or vocation. A vocation is not limited to religious jobs. It can be anything that is ethical.

What do you love to do?

Where do you feel the most empathy for others?

What are you good at? If you can’t think of anything, ask a friend?

What are you doing to improve your talents and skills?