I watched a video by Lauren of the Living with Schizophrenia YouTube channel. She shared her most recent hospital stay due to schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. Since I had thought about going into the hospital for my sleeping problem cause by depression, I was very interested to learn more about what it could have been like. While I could go to sleep just fine, I’d wake up way to early every morning. Then, I couldn’t go back to sleep except rarely. My brain would just start talking nonsense to me and I couldn’t get it to make sense. So, I started working with my employee assistance program in order to get therapy. One office that I called offered hospitalization when they heard me describing the sleeping problem and me desperate need for therapy. I know that my voice had become flat too. It sounded tempting almost like it would free me from some of my stress but I said, “No.” She sounds so honest about the struggle in the ER to get treatment. In a previous video, she showed her hospital room which looked okay to me. So, the video made me feel like hospitalization is more of a option if I ever need it.
Her description of her delusional thinking reminded me of a conversation that I had with my psychiatrist once. I told him that I was having odd thoughts of monsters coming out of my shower drain. I knew that the thinking was untrue but the thinking and feeling of a presence was very strong. I thought that I was losing my mind. The thoughts would pop at weird moments mostly at night. Sometimes, I’d feel the presence while washing my hands with my back to the shower. It is the memory of these thoughts that make me scared to go off my antidepressants.
Please watch this lady’s video if you are considering hospitalization for a mental health issues.