O God, who knowest us to be set in the midst of so many and great dangers, that by reason of the frailty of our nature we cannot always stand upright: grant to us such strength and protection, as may support us in all dangers, and carry us through all temptations; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Book of Common Prayer, 1662
A difficult goodbye
Describe the last difficult “goodbye” you said.
Earlier this week, my cat died. In mid January, I noticed my cat was sneezing like crazy and took her to the vet. They showed me a swollen left cheek. I couldn’t figure out how I never noticed. They gave me an antibiotic. I proved my incompetence by dropping the bottle and spilling some of it. I had to go get more at the vet. Then, I was confused how long to administer it. Usually, I must use antibiotics until you run out. I stopped using it on 11 or 12. I felt guilty for forcing her to drink the the medication. I allowed that guilt to stop treating her. I started trying to make a follow up appointment after work.
In February, I started seeing red marks on my bed sheets. I tried to clean her face and discovered that she was bleeding on her face. I called my vet and got the emergency vet number. I took her to the vet while it was snowing. They told me that she had a serious dental problem and to schedule an appointment with my vet. I called the next morning at work and did that. My vet told me how much wait she had lost. She had always been skinny but now I could feel every part of her spine and ribs.
One of the vest at my clinic was out due to surgery. So, I had to make an appointment a little more than a week out. I was now administering antibiotic and a pain reliever.
Last weekend, I watched my cat get weaker and weaker. I sat with her laying on me for hours I discovered some new ridges on her skull and a tendon on the back of her neck. I told her that I will miss her if she leaves me.
Puffers died on Monday (February 27). Now, I am catless. I am working on decluttering and getting rid of some of the fur all over my apartment. I keep wanting to say,” Puffers, your human is home” when I return from work. I keep thinking that I need to feed her in the mornings and evenings.
I pray that there is a pet heaven like in the rainbow bridge poem.
United for Waukesha Resiliency Center
Due to the Waukesha parade tragedy, this center was started. They have support groups and art therapy for anyone that was impacted by the parade tragedy.
United for Waukesha Resiliency Center 2000 PewaukeeRd Ste R Waukesha, WI 53188
Prayer from St Luke’s Lutheran Church
My church prayed a prayer that I want to share here.
Send your Spirit of truth, O God;
Rekindle your gifts within us:
Renew our faith, increase our hope and deepen our love , for the sake of a world in need
Faithful to your Word, O God, draw near to all who call on you; through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord, to whom, with you and the Holy Spirit, be honor and glory forever. Amen.
NAMI programs and services in Waukesha
This information is from a NAMI quarterly dated April to June 2022.
NAMI Ending the Silence is an educational program that presents experiences of having mental illness told by people who have mental illness. The target audience is students.
NAMI Family-to-Family offers education and support for family members of people with mental illness. This is an eight week course.
NAMI Peer-to-Peer is an eight week course for people with mental illness that is taught by a person living with a mental health issue.
NAMI basics is a six week course for parents or guardians of children with mental health issues.
There is also peer support groups and family support groups. They also have a training program for police officers and assistance for homeless people.
Namisoutheastwi.org/calendar is where you can see where and when many of these programs are offered.
Ten days of Joy Challenge
A family member challenged me to post ten pictures on Facebook that give me joy. The challenge requests a picture a day. I posted that I’d only be sharing flower pictures because I couldn’t think of anything else. But, I did think of pictures to share.
On day one, I posted a picture of my Petunia growing in my window on a very cold day. The window was totally frosted up. I was thankful for the warmth of my tiny apartment.
On day two, I posted a picture of food. I had just had a colonoscopy and was allowed to eat regular meals again.
My cat was the picture that I posted to Facebook on day three. Some of my family members are doing the challenge too. Two of them shared cat pictures on their posts too.
Sunday was day four. I took a picture of my pastor giving a children’s sermon. While I know that church is boring for children, I think it helps them to see how much we care about worshipping God. I also enjoy watching children sing or play at church. I hope they can create plenty of happy memories.
My love of rock painting was posted for day five. I painted a collection of rocks and put them out before our Christmas parade. I was hoping that it would encourage some of the parade goers.
I had no idea what I was going to post for today. Then, I thought of something else that I enjoy. I enjoy collecting rocks and foreign coins.
For day seven, I posted a picture of my books. I love to read.
I shared my love of nature for day eight. I posted a flower picture on Facebook but this is a better picture.
Day nine was a picture of a warm and sunny February day. Wisconsin has had mild winters for the past few years.
My last post is a picture of two birthday cards and a valentine card.
Half a century of life
I will be turning 50 in a week. I have mixed feelings about this birthday.
When I was in high school, I wanted to become a doctor in order to help others. I discovered that I freeze up under stress during college. A woman on my dorm floor attempted suicide by taking pills. I heard her vomiting in a stall in the bathroom and suggested some cold medicine. Then, I went to do more laundry and passed back by. This time someone was trying to get someone to help get the unconscious woman out of the bathroom. Did I help? No, I stood there and thought about how stupid I was. My brain was filled with self insults. I am too stupid to know what to do. Over the years, I have been in therapy and taking anti-depressants. Now, I can handle more stress before this happens. Yet, my brain still insults me when I get stressed. At work, my brain tells me that I am too stupid to do my job or they will think this about me. I try to argue with it as I have been trained to do in therapy. So, I am working a factory job that is low stress. I wish I could be doing a job that involves helping people but stress pushes me to obsess about what others think about me especially if they are authority figures.
On the other side, I am excited that I have lived almost a half century. I believe that I have encouraged some people with this blog and other writings. I suspect that my painted rocks have made a few people smile when they found them.
“I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find – at the age of fifty, say – that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about…It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.” Agatha Christie
This quote reminds me of how curious I am about things. I recently discovered that the French helped immensely in the US revolution. We probably would not have won if it wasn’t for the French. I knew that the French was involved because of the Statue of Liberty. But, I never knew what roll they had in the war.
What will I discover next?
What will you learn or discover today?
Thanksgiving for the world’s support
Waukesha Christmas parade tragedy. What comes to your mind when you read those words?
At first, it makes me think of my night of praying while looking towards Main Street. Listening to a police scanner app on my phone while doing dishes. Wondering Main Street and seeing colored markings on the road and a bunch of press people.
Now, the words make me think of additional memories. News stories of people sheltering in local businesses. People from ALL fifty states donating to the victim’s fund. Pictures of long lines at fund raisers. Encouraging messages in the Waukesha Strong Facebook group from people living in other states and countries. Painted rocks sent to Waukesha A crowd of Waukesha residents singing “Lean on Me” at Cutler Park by the library. The crowd singing “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” five minutes before this year’s Christmas parade. The beautiful ornaments that people designed and made to help fund raise for the victims and now the memorial.
While I am not thankful that the tragedy happened, I am grateful for the amazing response from my fellow Waukesha residents, Americans and citizens of other countries. Thank you for your support. I am so overwhelmed by the amazing response. I thought people would forget us a few weeks afterwards.
“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” Joseph Addison
Watch “Listening hearts.online” on YouTube
I have a play list on YouTube that contains videos that I think you might find interesting.
East Idaho news gives always Christmas gifts to deserving recipients. They post collections of the gift giving and individual videos if you prefer. They share parts of why the nominator notified the news station of why they are a worthy recipient.
Others will have advice on living life with a mental health issue.
Lean on Me: Waukesha Strong
I attended my city’s one year anniversary gathering for the Waukesha Christmas parade tragedy on November 21, 2022. The video starts with no sound but has sound later. At the end, an artist sand “Lean on Me.” She invited us to sing along.
I decided to paint some rocks with the words “Lean on Me” and “Waukesha Strong.”
I planned to leave them along the route for our Christmas parade. I have left my 15 rocks along our parade route. I also put some sidewalk chalk messages out for people to see. It is my prayer that this will encourage someone in my community.
While I was placing my painted rocks, I found someone else’s rock.
I posted pictures of this rock on the Waukesha County Rocks group that I am a member. The artist is not from Waukesha. She is from New Jersey and sent them to Waukesha as her way to send kindness into our city. Then, a local hid them.
This is one example of people outside of the state or country reaching out to my community. I have read that people sent donations to my community’s victim fund. Judge Dorow received fan mail from all over. I joined a Facebook group called “Waukesha Strong” and assumed that it would contain only Waukesha or Wisconsin residents. But, I was surprised to see empathetic statements from all over the country and world. TMJ4 has been airing Waukesha events such as our parade and the one year anniversary ceremony. The comments of support showed up there too. Thank you to all who have expressed for my community. I am so shocked and overwhelmed by the support.
I hope the people who lost someone or was present at the parade last year feels this massive outpouring of support.