Since I have already blogged about my goals for 2024, I will share one that I didn’t mention in my previous post.
I moved into a nicer apartment last year. So, I pay more in rent now. So, I am going back to living on a budget.
I will try to reduce how much that I spend at Walmart. I will try to avoid buying more books or clothes. It is hard to say no when I see a cute short for a cheap price.
I will also be more careful about purchasing stuff on Amazon. Success in this goal will be seeing that I am spending less than I am earning. Then, my checking account will return to growing slowly until I transfer money into savings. I want my money to earn some interest or dividends too.
Ever since 2020, I have felt like every year is weird. One challenge that I have is my huge heart. When I read about people dying, I imagine what it must be like to be them. When the Ukraine-Russia war started, I imagined the fear and anger of the people. Now, I contemplate the struggles of the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. So, I have to limit my news reading and listening at times in order to keep me from feeling overwhelmed. I have no idea how a God that knows all the suffering on our planet and loves all people can deal with it all. Yet, He allows it to continue. I hope He explains things to me when I get to heaven. I have asked why so many times in my prayers but He chooses to not answer me.
Another challenge for me is my negative thinking patterns. I find that when I make mistakes repeatedly I beat myself up mentally. But I will make mistakes when I work on learning something new. I posted a collection of quotes about making errors and learning from them a few days ago. I might post a quote from this at work in order to remind me to learn from mistakes and keep practicing the new skill.
I am very good at procrastinating and being lazy too. I was planning a special meal today but I got up too late to cook it since it is a slow cooker recipe. I enjoy reading books and sleeping very much. My brain loves to roam around as I fall asleep. So, I struggle to keep up on household chores and other adult responsibilities. My goal is to do a half hour of chores most days of the week in 2024. I also want to walk 15 minutes for most days in a week. My doctor recommended that I do this to help improve my health. It seemed like such a small thing which made me add it to my list of resolutions.
I’d make a great cat.
I love to eat sweets way too much. Since diabetes runs in my family, I know that I need to watch how much I eat and eat healthier in the new year. My plan is to eat more vegetables and fruits and watch serving sizes.
What are your challenges and plans to work on them during this new year?
In high school, I was pro-life. I saw the world as black and white. It was clear what was right and what was wrong. At that time, I didn’t understand what the individual parties stood for.
I went to college thanks to grants from the US government. I remember that my college newspaper quoted one of my professors as saying that grant recipients didn’t deserve to attend. I also had to work during school as part of federal work study. It was a small amount of hours but it kept me from ever being able to see any professors during office hours. I always had a class or work during those hours. I also chose not to do any kind of internship due to the grant responsibilities and finances. I sometimes wonder if I would have found a job using my degree if I had more flexibility to do an internship.
When I entered college, I believed that I was the dumbest person on Earth. My parents and classmates repeatedly told me that I was stupid. My step-father told me that I had no common sense and was too dumb to be a doctor. He claimed that college graduates were a dime a dozen. During college, I learned that I wasn’t as dumb as I thought. I am not sure if I ever saw myself as smart at the time. The medical students used to come over to my classroom and tell us how they didn’t have to study until medical school. I had to study in elementary school. I also learned that I freeze up in emergencies. So, I never tried medical school.
After college, I looked for a job using my degree. But, I didn’t try real hard. I think my lack of belief in my own smarts and hatred for the constant rejections that are involved in job seeking dragged me down. I ended up working in retail for a few decades. This experience taught me the hardships that people can struggle with. I met a pharmacy technician who had used up all of her lifetime limits on her health insurance. I saw a shift supervisor use a food stamp card. When my employer cut my hours, I used food stamps. I cried while talking to the interviewer for heat assistance. I believed that our government was having trouble paying bills and here I was adding to them. I started to feel like Republicans hated me because I needed help. I considered rent assistance but never applied because I could afford a crappy apartment. It seemed like Republicans thought the US was a meritocracy. So, I developed a Democratic leaning to my political views.
I ended up getting a job at Walmart for 7.25 an hour. I asked if they recognized previous retail experience but he said “No. We don’t do that.” I sat there looking at him and the computer screen and finally agreed to take the job. So, I became a pharmacy cashier. I wanted to get promoted to pharmacy technician but I cry when I stress out. So, I cried my way out of ever being promoted just like I had done in past jobs. Walmart increased their starting wage until I got off food stamps and Obamacare.
At that time, I was still independent with Democratic leanings. I thought we needed the Republicans to keep us bleeding heart liberals from spending too much money. The parties balanced each other out.
Then, the Republicans started fighting to repeal Obamacare. I was thankful that my government helped me through college and with healthcare for a year or two until Walmart took over. The constant talk of repealing Obamacare with no replacement proposal angered me. I wanted to strengthen it and see if we could avoid universal healthcare.
Then Trump came out of nowhere to run for President. I heard that he hired a known co artist couple to run his Trump University before the election. So, I thought he could never win and voted for a third party candidate. Hilary Clinton was involved in a pay for influence scheme near the end of her husband’s presidency. I hate how money can get you out of a lot of troubles and increase your influence on our politicians. So, I was unhappy with Clinton and couldn’t bring myself to vote for her. Then, Trump won! It was the first time that I was ever scared about my nation’s safety. I remembered some people feeling that way when Obama became President. But, I never understood why they were afraid. So, I did the best that I could to live with Trump as my President. We all know that our candidate won’t always win. Then, he expanded Obama’s policy of breaking up families at the border. While I learned from the press that the length of time we can hold an adult is different than how long we can hold a minor, I was angry to see families being broken up. I joined a local protest.
I also protested with Black Lives Matter in my city. I refused to go to Milwaukee and protest because I didn’t trust them not to riot. I explained to a press person that I wanted “justice for all.”
I now support universal healthcare which makes me more extreme than Biden in this country.
In summary, I have concluded that we are not a meritocracy. While hard work and skills can get many people ahead, it leaves plenty of us behind. Hence I want the government to provide a safety net especially for the disabled and elderly. Then, I hope others in society will help others to find where they can make a positive contribution to society. I work in a factory now where I don’t have to worry about being yelled at. I still cry at times but less often than I did in retail.
The second thing that I have learned is that no political issue is simple. Abortion is not simply wrong or right. It involves raped people and people who can’t afford children. It is going to be a hard decision to make at the individual and societal level. I think we need to come up with a cut off time that we can agree on and only allow abortion after that time if medically necessary. Most abortions are early in the pregnancy where the risk is lowest.
My hope for the future is that we can remember that we all love the US. No matter what party a person identifies with, we all want what is best for the nation. We just disagree on what that is.
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
There are so many people that I admire. I will group the people in my listing.
People who commit their life to a bigger cause. There are so many occupations in our society that keep our community alive. Police officers who come running in times of crises. We read the stories of mass shootings that end with the shooter being shot by police. Paramedics and fire fighters are heroes. Doctors. Nurses. Chaplains. Pastors. Scientists who spend a lifetime studying and experimenting just to learn new things. There are others who are less obvious but still manage to impact their communities for the better. Here is a picture of me dressed as a cop. I enjoy dressing as an occupation that is a hero for Halloween. I suspect that this is as close as I can to being a hero.
Everyday heroes. A local radio station uses this phrase to describe people who save a life with little to no training. They share a story on Thursdays. Sometimes, they do CPR or pull someone out of a car accident. I can’t think clearly when in a crisis. So, I admire those who can stay calm under stress.
People who sacrifice for others. When I worked in a drug store, I had a co-worker who worked at the drug store and a factory. She had previously been on disability but she refused to go back on it like her doctor wanted her to. She had a daughter with bi-polar. She worked way harder than she ever should in order to pay her daughter’s bills. I admired that.
Women who can stand up for themselves. I have a strong aversion to confrontation. So, I never asked for a pay raise until this year. I tend to stumble over my words when I ask for anything from my boss. I have a co-worker who is our painter in the factory. She has this ability to stand up for herself. I admire that.
The prompt today is a good exercise for anyone. So, I will see if I can list five things that I am good at.
1. I am a good writer. I have written one very skinny fiction book that I put on Amazon. My favorite compliment concerning my writing was when a fellow church member said that my devotional booklet got het to open her Bible more. She really started asking our pastor more questions.
2. I am a hard worker. I have a mental battle with myself when I see co-workers chatting for over 15 minutes or just not managing to get anything done. But, I manage to stay busy most of the time.
3. I love to paint rocks. I had a dream about me collecting rocks for painting at my childhood home. I suspect that I am not good at it. But, I have read that what we love can give us a clue on what we are good at.
4. I love to read and research things. I am still reading the US history book. I am on the Great Depression. I know that I won’t remember it all but some of it will stick for the next time the news media references it.
5. I am or at least hope that I am a good listener like the title of this website. I keep working to improve my listening abilities but my own desire to express my feelings or thoughts too soon impairs it at times.
What are five things that you are good at? If you can’t think of five, then ask a friend or family member to help you.
The first group of my favorite animals are my past pets.
Puffers
Puffers lived with me for over 12 years. She was given to me when a friend could no longer care for her. She would come and meet at the door when I came home from work. She also loved to lay on me when I went to sleep. On my back. On my leg. Fortunately, she knew not to lay on my head but everywhere else was fair game.
Taffy
I got Taffy from the Humane Society. My favorite thing that I remember about her was when she spooned herself beside me under the covers at night.
The second group that is my favorite animals are horses. I grew up around race horses. My parents raised, trained and raced them.
I also love to photograph animals that I see in nature.
I am reading two books right now. One is Daily Laws by Robert Greene. As you know, I am collecting quotes from it. I ended up giving up on this book. While some of it is about learning new skills, other parts focuses on manipulating others in order to get power, promotions and pay raises.
The second is Amsco Advanced Placement United States History,Third Edition. I have always believed tha my public education missed some important parts of history. I knew that France helped in the US revolutionary war. But, I was surprised to read that they were “giving both money and supplies” secretly since 1775. Then, it openly allied with us in 1778. A year later, Spain and Holland joined the war on our side. I had never read anything like that. The book stated that Britain was disliked as a powerful empire nation. So, other nations joined us in our revolution.
The next surprise was the idea that the north occupied the south after the civil war. I knew of the reconstruction but not an occupation. Then, I read about segregation of blacks. Women got the right to vote in 1920 but blacks remained segregated. They could vote if they could pass the state “literacy test.” I saw a video of a lady taking one and was shocked by the confusing questions. They were made to be failed.
What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?
WordPress shared this post idea with me. So, here is my response.
The first thing that brings me joy is my plants.
Petunia growing in a pot on my windowsill.
The second thing that brings me joy is my rock painting.
My painted rocks
The third thing that brings me joy is books and information. I am currently reading my way through a US history book.
The fourth thing that gives me joy is my family and friends. My dad and I talk twice a week on the phone. My sister and mom text or message me regularly. I talk with my friends too.
The fifth thing that gives my joy is God and my hope for the future. I can’t know the future but I know that God knows it and loves me. I know that He will be there with me. My family and friends will be there too.
Earlier this week, my cat died. In mid January, I noticed my cat was sneezing like crazy and took her to the vet. They showed me a swollen left cheek. I couldn’t figure out how I never noticed. They gave me an antibiotic. I proved my incompetence by dropping the bottle and spilling some of it. I had to go get more at the vet. Then, I was confused how long to administer it. Usually, I must use antibiotics until you run out. I stopped using it on 11 or 12. I felt guilty for forcing her to drink the the medication. I allowed that guilt to stop treating her. I started trying to make a follow up appointment after work.
In February, I started seeing red marks on my bed sheets. I tried to clean her face and discovered that she was bleeding on her face. I called my vet and got the emergency vet number. I took her to the vet while it was snowing. They told me that she had a serious dental problem and to schedule an appointment with my vet. I called the next morning at work and did that. My vet told me how much wait she had lost. She had always been skinny but now I could feel every part of her spine and ribs.
One of the vest at my clinic was out due to surgery. So, I had to make an appointment a little more than a week out. I was now administering antibiotic and a pain reliever.
Last weekend, I watched my cat get weaker and weaker. I sat with her laying on me for hours I discovered some new ridges on her skull and a tendon on the back of her neck. I told her that I will miss her if she leaves me.
Puffers died on Monday (February 27). Now, I am catless. I am working on decluttering and getting rid of some of the fur all over my apartment. I keep wanting to say,” Puffers, your human is home” when I return from work. I keep thinking that I need to feed her in the mornings and evenings.
I pray that there is a pet heaven like in the rainbow bridge poem.
