Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
When someone is working on making a change in their behavior, it is important for the goals to be measurable. I have some of my goals listed on my monthly goals chart.
Monthly goals chart
I am tracking if I do a Spanish lesson on Duolingo (a free language learning app), 15 minutes or longer walks, healthy eating and 1/2 hour of chores. I am struggling with eating too many sweets, chips and popcorn. So, I only counted four days of eating healthy. I also recorded four days of spending a half hour or more on chores. I have been refusing to count grocery shopping and wondering how much time I should count for walking to the bank to get quarters for doing laundry. I did pretty good on Duo (at least 9 days) and the walking (at least 12 days).
The one that I am most happy about is that I managed to spend less than I earn. I moved into a nicer apartment in fall last year. So, the increase in rent is forcing me to tighten my spending at the grocery store and on my credit card. I doubt that I can do it in February because I am planning to buy a new mattress. My celebratory meal for meeting my budget was today.
Taco salad
I made myself a taco salad.
What are your new year’s resolutions?
How are you doing on them?
I hope to hear from you. I want to encourage you to get back up and dust yourself off and try again.
I am currently working on a blog entry about Max Lucato. I find his books to be very easy reads that are full of good stories and encouragement. I am also listening to Maya Angelou’s I know Why the Caged Bird Sings. It amazes me how she has lived through a hard childhood but ended up writing autobiographies and poetry.
I am planning on starting a YouTube channel. I want to read some Christian classics, self-help classics, share encouraging quotes and discuss some of my own struggles with depression and life. The books in this picture are Pilgrim‘s Progress and a folk tale about three trees.
I have a small book shelf full of books that I have not read yet. I mostly have non-fiction Christian and self-help.
As a child, I wanted to become a doctor and go overseas as a missionary. I believed that God had called me to this dream job. I took biology with some side courses for pre-med. Then, the med students came by my lab class and talked about never studying before medical school. I think I had to study in every grade. I know that I studied in middle school and high school. Years before my step-father yelled “You’re too stupid to be a doctor.” I tried to argue back because I knew that I’d never forget him saying that. Sometimes, I thought about becoming a child psychologist in order to help other children who struggle like I did.
I never went to medical school because I discovered that I freeze up when in a crisis. A neighbor in my dorm building was in the bathroom sounding sick. I suggested that she take some medication and went down stairs in order to do laundry. When I passed back by, a man was standing outside of the restroom asking for help getting her unconscious body out of the restroom. Did I help? No. I stood frozen and had a bunch of negative thoughts. I couldn’t be a doctor or nurse. Someone tried to tell me that I could train enough to be able to function under high stress. I doubted it then and still doubt it.
While this dream died, I realized that the main part of the dream is the desire to help others. This desire is still very strong in my heart. Now, I hope I can use this blog to encourage others. I have read many encouraging books and quotes. Many of us have so much potential but we need a little encouragement in our darkest moments to keep from giving up. This is what I want to do for my readers.
Sometimes, a dream dies. But, the driving desire behind the dream lives on. So, I suggest that you ask yourself why a certain job is a dream job. You may find something else that fulfills that aching desire.
I have had this blog since 2018. I started this blog because I wanted to encourage others especially Christians who struggle with mental health issues.
Since I am a Christian who lives with depression, I think I have an interesting perspective in this area.
So my mission for this blog is to offer encouragement to my fellow Christians. I plan to do this by sharing my struggles and successes at times, discussing quotes from famous people, Bible study discussions, listing local resources and educational writing.
I called it Listeninghearts because I want to support and encourage my readers.
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” Albert Schweitzer
May I be this person for someone. May others help me to keep going when I feel hopeless or discouraged. Amen.
Since I have already blogged about my goals for 2024, I will share one that I didn’t mention in my previous post.
I moved into a nicer apartment last year. So, I pay more in rent now. So, I am going back to living on a budget.
I will try to reduce how much that I spend at Walmart. I will try to avoid buying more books or clothes. It is hard to say no when I see a cute short for a cheap price.
I will also be more careful about purchasing stuff on Amazon. Success in this goal will be seeing that I am spending less than I am earning. Then, my checking account will return to growing slowly until I transfer money into savings. I want my money to earn some interest or dividends too.
Ever since 2020, I have felt like every year is weird. One challenge that I have is my huge heart. When I read about people dying, I imagine what it must be like to be them. When the Ukraine-Russia war started, I imagined the fear and anger of the people. Now, I contemplate the struggles of the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. So, I have to limit my news reading and listening at times in order to keep me from feeling overwhelmed. I have no idea how a God that knows all the suffering on our planet and loves all people can deal with it all. Yet, He allows it to continue. I hope He explains things to me when I get to heaven. I have asked why so many times in my prayers but He chooses to not answer me.
Another challenge for me is my negative thinking patterns. I find that when I make mistakes repeatedly I beat myself up mentally. But I will make mistakes when I work on learning something new. I posted a collection of quotes about making errors and learning from them a few days ago. I might post a quote from this at work in order to remind me to learn from mistakes and keep practicing the new skill.
I am very good at procrastinating and being lazy too. I was planning a special meal today but I got up too late to cook it since it is a slow cooker recipe. I enjoy reading books and sleeping very much. My brain loves to roam around as I fall asleep. So, I struggle to keep up on household chores and other adult responsibilities. My goal is to do a half hour of chores most days of the week in 2024. I also want to walk 15 minutes for most days in a week. My doctor recommended that I do this to help improve my health. It seemed like such a small thing which made me add it to my list of resolutions.
I’d make a great cat.
I love to eat sweets way too much. Since diabetes runs in my family, I know that I need to watch how much I eat and eat healthier in the new year. My plan is to eat more vegetables and fruits and watch serving sizes.
What are your challenges and plans to work on them during this new year?
In high school, I was pro-life. I saw the world as black and white. It was clear what was right and what was wrong. At that time, I didn’t understand what the individual parties stood for.
I went to college thanks to grants from the US government. I remember that my college newspaper quoted one of my professors as saying that grant recipients didn’t deserve to attend. I also had to work during school as part of federal work study. It was a small amount of hours but it kept me from ever being able to see any professors during office hours. I always had a class or work during those hours. I also chose not to do any kind of internship due to the grant responsibilities and finances. I sometimes wonder if I would have found a job using my degree if I had more flexibility to do an internship.
When I entered college, I believed that I was the dumbest person on Earth. My parents and classmates repeatedly told me that I was stupid. My step-father told me that I had no common sense and was too dumb to be a doctor. He claimed that college graduates were a dime a dozen. During college, I learned that I wasn’t as dumb as I thought. I am not sure if I ever saw myself as smart at the time. The medical students used to come over to my classroom and tell us how they didn’t have to study until medical school. I had to study in elementary school. I also learned that I freeze up in emergencies. So, I never tried medical school.
After college, I looked for a job using my degree. But, I didn’t try real hard. I think my lack of belief in my own smarts and hatred for the constant rejections that are involved in job seeking dragged me down. I ended up working in retail for a few decades. This experience taught me the hardships that people can struggle with. I met a pharmacy technician who had used up all of her lifetime limits on her health insurance. I saw a shift supervisor use a food stamp card. When my employer cut my hours, I used food stamps. I cried while talking to the interviewer for heat assistance. I believed that our government was having trouble paying bills and here I was adding to them. I started to feel like Republicans hated me because I needed help. I considered rent assistance but never applied because I could afford a crappy apartment. It seemed like Republicans thought the US was a meritocracy. So, I developed a Democratic leaning to my political views.
I ended up getting a job at Walmart for 7.25 an hour. I asked if they recognized previous retail experience but he said “No. We don’t do that.” I sat there looking at him and the computer screen and finally agreed to take the job. So, I became a pharmacy cashier. I wanted to get promoted to pharmacy technician but I cry when I stress out. So, I cried my way out of ever being promoted just like I had done in past jobs. Walmart increased their starting wage until I got off food stamps and Obamacare.
At that time, I was still independent with Democratic leanings. I thought we needed the Republicans to keep us bleeding heart liberals from spending too much money. The parties balanced each other out.
Then, the Republicans started fighting to repeal Obamacare. I was thankful that my government helped me through college and with healthcare for a year or two until Walmart took over. The constant talk of repealing Obamacare with no replacement proposal angered me. I wanted to strengthen it and see if we could avoid universal healthcare.
Then Trump came out of nowhere to run for President. I heard that he hired a known co artist couple to run his Trump University before the election. So, I thought he could never win and voted for a third party candidate. Hilary Clinton was involved in a pay for influence scheme near the end of her husband’s presidency. I hate how money can get you out of a lot of troubles and increase your influence on our politicians. So, I was unhappy with Clinton and couldn’t bring myself to vote for her. Then, Trump won! It was the first time that I was ever scared about my nation’s safety. I remembered some people feeling that way when Obama became President. But, I never understood why they were afraid. So, I did the best that I could to live with Trump as my President. We all know that our candidate won’t always win. Then, he expanded Obama’s policy of breaking up families at the border. While I learned from the press that the length of time we can hold an adult is different than how long we can hold a minor, I was angry to see families being broken up. I joined a local protest.
I also protested with Black Lives Matter in my city. I refused to go to Milwaukee and protest because I didn’t trust them not to riot. I explained to a press person that I wanted “justice for all.”
I now support universal healthcare which makes me more extreme than Biden in this country.
In summary, I have concluded that we are not a meritocracy. While hard work and skills can get many people ahead, it leaves plenty of us behind. Hence I want the government to provide a safety net especially for the disabled and elderly. Then, I hope others in society will help others to find where they can make a positive contribution to society. I work in a factory now where I don’t have to worry about being yelled at. I still cry at times but less often than I did in retail.
The second thing that I have learned is that no political issue is simple. Abortion is not simply wrong or right. It involves raped people and people who can’t afford children. It is going to be a hard decision to make at the individual and societal level. I think we need to come up with a cut off time that we can agree on and only allow abortion after that time if medically necessary. Most abortions are early in the pregnancy where the risk is lowest.
My hope for the future is that we can remember that we all love the US. No matter what party a person identifies with, we all want what is best for the nation. We just disagree on what that is.
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
There are so many people that I admire. I will group the people in my listing.
People who commit their life to a bigger cause. There are so many occupations in our society that keep our community alive. Police officers who come running in times of crises. We read the stories of mass shootings that end with the shooter being shot by police. Paramedics and fire fighters are heroes. Doctors. Nurses. Chaplains. Pastors. Scientists who spend a lifetime studying and experimenting just to learn new things. There are others who are less obvious but still manage to impact their communities for the better. Here is a picture of me dressed as a cop. I enjoy dressing as an occupation that is a hero for Halloween. I suspect that this is as close as I can to being a hero.
Everyday heroes. A local radio station uses this phrase to describe people who save a life with little to no training. They share a story on Thursdays. Sometimes, they do CPR or pull someone out of a car accident. I can’t think clearly when in a crisis. So, I admire those who can stay calm under stress.
People who sacrifice for others. When I worked in a drug store, I had a co-worker who worked at the drug store and a factory. She had previously been on disability but she refused to go back on it like her doctor wanted her to. She had a daughter with bi-polar. She worked way harder than she ever should in order to pay her daughter’s bills. I admired that.
Women who can stand up for themselves. I have a strong aversion to confrontation. So, I never asked for a pay raise until this year. I tend to stumble over my words when I ask for anything from my boss. I have a co-worker who is our painter in the factory. She has this ability to stand up for herself. I admire that.
The prompt today is a good exercise for anyone. So, I will see if I can list five things that I am good at.
1. I am a good writer. I have written one very skinny fiction book that I put on Amazon. My favorite compliment concerning my writing was when a fellow church member said that my devotional booklet got het to open her Bible more. She really started asking our pastor more questions.
2. I am a hard worker. I have a mental battle with myself when I see co-workers chatting for over 15 minutes or just not managing to get anything done. But, I manage to stay busy most of the time.
3. I love to paint rocks. I had a dream about me collecting rocks for painting at my childhood home. I suspect that I am not good at it. But, I have read that what we love can give us a clue on what we are good at.
4. I love to read and research things. I am still reading the US history book. I am on the Great Depression. I know that I won’t remember it all but some of it will stick for the next time the news media references it.
5. I am or at least hope that I am a good listener like the title of this website. I keep working to improve my listening abilities but my own desire to express my feelings or thoughts too soon impairs it at times.
What are five things that you are good at? If you can’t think of five, then ask a friend or family member to help you.
