Where you can share your struggles, learn about mental health issues and study the Bible
My church prayed a prayer that I want to share here.
Send your Spirit of truth, O God;
Rekindle your gifts within us:
Renew our faith, increase our hope and deepen our love , for the sake of a world in need
Faithful to your Word, O God, draw near to all who call on you; through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord, to whom, with you and the Holy Spirit, be honor and glory forever. Amen.
I will be turning 50 in a week. I have mixed feelings about this birthday.
When I was in high school, I wanted to become a doctor in order to help others. I discovered that I freeze up under stress during college. A woman on my dorm floor attempted suicide by taking pills. I heard her vomiting in a stall in the bathroom and suggested some cold medicine. Then, I went to do more laundry and passed back by. This time someone was trying to get someone to help get the unconscious woman out of the bathroom. Did I help? No, I stood there and thought about how stupid I was. My brain was filled with self insults. I am too stupid to know what to do. Over the years, I have been in therapy and taking anti-depressants. Now, I can handle more stress before this happens. Yet, my brain still insults me when I get stressed. At work, my brain tells me that I am too stupid to do my job or they will think this about me. I try to argue with it as I have been trained to do in therapy. So, I am working a factory job that is low stress. I wish I could be doing a job that involves helping people but stress pushes me to obsess about what others think about me especially if they are authority figures.
On the other side, I am excited that I have lived almost a half century. I believe that I have encouraged some people with this blog and other writings. I suspect that my painted rocks have made a few people smile when they found them.
“I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find – at the age of fifty, say – that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about…It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.” Agatha Christie
This quote reminds me of how curious I am about things. I recently discovered that the French helped immensely in the US revolution. We probably would not have won if it wasn’t for the French. I knew that the French was involved because of the Statue of Liberty. But, I never knew what roll they had in the war.
What will I discover next?
What will you learn or discover today?
With the one year anniversary of the Waukesha Christmas parade tragedy, I have been thinking a lot about that day, the Brooks trial and the past year.
I took a picture of the new mural. It has six butterflies and six flowers for the number of people who died on or after November 21, 2021 due to this event. The city has scheduled an anniversary event on November 21st at Veterans Park at 4:39 PM. They are also working on a parade memorial for Grede Park and Main Street.
I have decided to remember the event by painting the back of my Star of Hope with a new design. I hope to bring it to our Christmas parade in December. I am also working on a collection of rocks to put out around downtown Waukesha. I saw some others on Facebook who are planning on placing painted rocks too.
What are you planning on doing to remember the pain that we all here in Waukesha city have experienced? How is your recovery coming along?
I enjoy painting rocks in the hope of encouraging others. But, sometimes I mess up. My most recent rock was cute until I sprayed it with the protective coating. The design smeared really badly.
Now, I am wondering what to do with this rock. Will the finder see it as ugly? Could it remind them not to give up after making a big mistake? I wonder If I should keep it instead.
I decided to leave it by a tree sapling near the hospital. I hope someone enjoys it even with the runny message.
Mike Weaver is a singer in Big Daddy Weave. Here is a video of one of their songs called “Redeemed.” He shared his struggle with being overweight and having low self-esteem.
I love to paint encouraging messages on rocks and leaving them around the city of Waukesha. I hope someone finds them and smiles.
If you find one, feel free to share a picture here, re-hide it or keep it.
I hate being unemployed. My Google maps app is full of manufacturing companies in Waukesha, Wisconsin. My phone’s predictive typing anticipates my past employers’ names.
One day, I was on hold to asked my former employer’s HR a question and received two phone calls. I never knew I could take a call while on a call on my landline. I have scheduled phone calls and on site visits a day later. It feels strange to schedule things at an instant. No working around a work schedule. Instead, I have to work around other calls and visits.
I hate the overthinking of every interview. Why did I say that? Why was I slouching sideways? Why do I stare at the ground when thinking?
I have only just begun week two! Two onsite interviews. Three temping agencies sharing my resume with clients. Posted resumes to Indeed, LinkedIn and Job Centers of Wisconsin.
As you can expect, my mood has been up and down too. A few sleepless nights near the end of the week. Hope at the start of the week.
I am spending more time with my friend, painting rocks and taking walks. I am attempting to return to reading a devotional and a Chicken Soup book. I have started leaving my painted rocks around town in the hopes that someone will smile when he/she finds it.
Are there any other unemployed people working as a job seeker? What methods are you using to cope with the stress?
I painted some rocks blue and yellow to show my support of Ukraine. Since Sophia has a Support Ukraine event at my church, St Luke’s I put my rocks near the church. I hope they make someone smile.
The event had a bake sale, silent auction, music and some dancing. I bought me some sweets and two sunflower pins.
During the program, I googled sunflowers and Ukraine. I discovered that sun flowers are the national flower of Ukraine. The article also described how they planted sun flowers at Chernobyl.
I tried to take some pictures but it was too dark and far from my seat to get good pictures.
War! Maybe it will be world war three. Pandemic! The news is full of scary stuff. Here is some ideas on how to cope.
Limit news viewing The first time that I had to find a way to cope with scary news was 9/11/2001. I was glued to the news. I finally had to go for a walk just to disconnect from the constant news watching. While I wanted to know what was happening, I discovered that I needed to take breaks.
Look for the helpers or heros ‘When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me,”Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”‘ Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) I have found that focusing on the helpers and heros helps me to feel hopeful. Yesterday, I wrote an article about some of the heros in the Russia Ukraine war. I have also found some stories about people helping. The Rachel Maddow show shared the story of a German offering rides at the border. Uber is offering free rides at the Poland border. People are renting Airbnbs in Ukraine as a way to send money to people dealing with the war.
Find a way to help if possible The previous paragraph mentioned some ways that people have found to help. There are plenty of other ways. Here is a list of charities helping Ukraine. I haven’t found a way for me at this time. I am saving money in prep for my upcoming lay off in May. So, I am limiting my giving to my church. Yet, I think finding a way to help can help with the feelings of helplessness.
Help others to cope This is what I am hoping to do through this post. This can be as simple as allowing someone to talk about their feelings about all of the scary stuff in the news. My dad and I talked for a while about this. It could be encouraging someone at work.
Sense of humor It may seem like laughing at scary news is mean. But, listening to coronavirus parody songs helped me to get through ten days of self isolating due to having Covid-19. I started playing a game of dancing to the songs and seeing how long I could last before I had to stop to cough. It was a fun way to see that the cough was weakening. It also can remind you and me that we are all experiencing similar feelings.
We are all in this together. We may only be watching but we are still feeling strong emotions in response to it.
People would be better if I were dead. This thought ran through my head numerous times during high school. Since I couldn’t get along with my step-father, I made my mom and sister miserable.
If I kill myself, it will hurt my parents. This is another one of my high school thoughts. While I see now that they cancel each other out, I didn’t see it then.
This tombstone says, “There is no feet too small that it can not leave an imprint on this world.”
This saying is what reminded me of my past two thoughts. I found myself praying that I have left a positive impact on this world.
If you are having thoughts of suicide like I did in high school, please asked a friend, teacher, parent, couch, co-worker or a hotline volunteer for help. We all need to get help at times.
If you need help, please call 800-273-8255 (national suicide hotline) or visit your local hospital especially when you don’t trust yourself not to act on the thoughts.