I love to paint encouraging messages on rocks and leaving them around the city of Waukesha. I hope someone finds them and smiles.
If you find one, feel free to share a picture here, re-hide it or keep it.
Rock painting
I am unemployed
I hate being unemployed. My Google maps app is full of manufacturing companies in Waukesha, Wisconsin. My phone’s predictive typing anticipates my past employers’ names.
One day, I was on hold to asked my former employer’s HR a question and received two phone calls. I never knew I could take a call while on a call on my landline. I have scheduled phone calls and on site visits a day later. It feels strange to schedule things at an instant. No working around a work schedule. Instead, I have to work around other calls and visits.
I hate the overthinking of every interview. Why did I say that? Why was I slouching sideways? Why do I stare at the ground when thinking?
I have only just begun week two! Two onsite interviews. Three temping agencies sharing my resume with clients. Posted resumes to Indeed, LinkedIn and Job Centers of Wisconsin.
As you can expect, my mood has been up and down too. A few sleepless nights near the end of the week. Hope at the start of the week.
I am spending more time with my friend, painting rocks and taking walks. I am attempting to return to reading a devotional and a Chicken Soup book. I have started leaving my painted rocks around town in the hopes that someone will smile when he/she finds it.
Are there any other unemployed people working as a job seeker? What methods are you using to cope with the stress?
Support Ukraine event at St Luke’s
I painted some rocks blue and yellow to show my support of Ukraine. Since Sophia has a Support Ukraine event at my church, St Luke’s I put my rocks near the church. I hope they make someone smile.
The event had a bake sale, silent auction, music and some dancing. I bought me some sweets and two sunflower pins.
During the program, I googled sunflowers and Ukraine. I discovered that sun flowers are the national flower of Ukraine. The article also described how they planted sun flowers at Chernobyl.
I tried to take some pictures but it was too dark and far from my seat to get good pictures.
How to cope with scary news
War! Maybe it will be world war three. Pandemic! The news is full of scary stuff. Here is some ideas on how to cope.
Limit news viewing The first time that I had to find a way to cope with scary news was 9/11/2001. I was glued to the news. I finally had to go for a walk just to disconnect from the constant news watching. While I wanted to know what was happening, I discovered that I needed to take breaks.
Look for the helpers or heros ‘When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me,”Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”‘ Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) I have found that focusing on the helpers and heros helps me to feel hopeful. Yesterday, I wrote an article about some of the heros in the Russia Ukraine war. I have also found some stories about people helping. The Rachel Maddow show shared the story of a German offering rides at the border. Uber is offering free rides at the Poland border. People are renting Airbnbs in Ukraine as a way to send money to people dealing with the war.
Find a way to help if possible The previous paragraph mentioned some ways that people have found to help. There are plenty of other ways. Here is a list of charities helping Ukraine. I haven’t found a way for me at this time. I am saving money in prep for my upcoming lay off in May. So, I am limiting my giving to my church. Yet, I think finding a way to help can help with the feelings of helplessness.
Help others to cope This is what I am hoping to do through this post. This can be as simple as allowing someone to talk about their feelings about all of the scary stuff in the news. My dad and I talked for a while about this. It could be encouraging someone at work.
Sense of humor It may seem like laughing at scary news is mean. But, listening to coronavirus parody songs helped me to get through ten days of self isolating due to having Covid-19. I started playing a game of dancing to the songs and seeing how long I could last before I had to stop to cough. It was a fun way to see that the cough was weakening. It also can remind you and me that we are all experiencing similar feelings.
We are all in this together. We may only be watching but we are still feeling strong emotions in response to it.
People would be better off without me
People would be better if I were dead. This thought ran through my head numerous times during high school. Since I couldn’t get along with my step-father, I made my mom and sister miserable.
If I kill myself, it will hurt my parents. This is another one of my high school thoughts. While I see now that they cancel each other out, I didn’t see it then.
This tombstone says, “There is no feet too small that it can not leave an imprint on this world.”
This saying is what reminded me of my past two thoughts. I found myself praying that I have left a positive impact on this world.
If you are having thoughts of suicide like I did in high school, please asked a friend, teacher, parent, couch, co-worker or a hotline volunteer for help. We all need to get help at times.
If you need help, please call 800-273-8255 (national suicide hotline) or visit your local hospital especially when you don’t trust yourself not to act on the thoughts.
Four lessons that I have learned from my depression
Emotions come and go. Hence, no matter how bad I feel, I know that it will pass. I was caring for a client by sitting with him. He was part of a group home and required 24/7 supervision. He had a very strong anxiety due to past mistreatment. I just reassured him regularly and stayed very calm. Like my emotions, it passed for him too.
My brain lies to me by exaggerating the importance of events or mistakes that I have made. The negative thinking part of my brain has repeatedly told me that I always break the items that I am assembling at work. My brain takes a single incident and then it claims that it happens everyday. My CBT monkey (the part of my brain that is trained to use cognitive behavioral training) catches these thinking errors and works to correct them.
Everyone perceives the world differently based on their past experiences. As a child, I discovered that I interpreted the world different than those around me. My thinking is so negative that I have trouble getting some people to understand me. It makes people want to run away. Others argue with me until I start defending a belief that only the depressed part of my brain believes. Sometimes this makes me feel like no one understands me. Yet, it helps me to understand that a person can love the US but disagree on how to run the country. I believe that both Republicans and Democrats care deeply about the US. We just disagree on what is best for the country.
While everybody’s experience is different, there are similarities in our emotional experiences. I remember attending a support group. Another member was describing a symptom of his/her mental health issue. I started fidgeting in my chair because I recognized my experience in it. Over the years, I have learned that others have experienced symptoms similar to mine.
It was strange for me to think about depression in this way. I would love to never have depression ever again. What have you learned from your depression, anxiety or tough times?
Live on Purpose quote
“God’s purpose for each of us is to love others and point them back to Him and His love (pg. 7, Live on Purpose by Sadie Robertson Huff)
I grew up believing that God had a special call on my life. As time went on, I begged God to reveal His will. I thought that He wanted me to be a missionary doctor in some far away country. I played a game once with an atlas. I closed my eyes and randomly selected a page while asking God to guide my hands. I pointed at a map and opened my eyes to see that I had found a US map rather than some far away mission field. This annoyed me because I didn’t think living in the US with an ordinary job could be a calling.
As I continued to learn the Bible, I discovered that any job can be a calling. The Bible teaches us how to live not what career we should have. Honesty. Loving kindness towards others. Encourage each other. Praying for each other. Living in a Church community. Allowing others to help you when you need it. Reaching out for help when you need it. These are the ways that we live out our calling.
What are you doing to be honest? Are you working to show loving kindness? Encouraging others? Praying for others?
Are you able to allow others to help you? Jesus allowed women to provide Him and His disciples with food and housing. Allowing others to help you is very hard. It feels like you are a burden to that person. Yet, it is part of our calling. Shame and guilt may swirl around in your brain. But, God designed His Church with a command to help each other. No church is perfect but if help is available and you need it, ask. If you need counseling or medications, seek out that help. God made us to live in community rather than in isolation.
2022 Goals
I wrote goals in 2020 and 2021. Then Covid-19 came to town. I tossed out all of 2020’s goals and replaced them with a goal to stay sane. In 2021, I had a work goal to learn new skills including soldering. But, my employer never resumed training due to Covid-19. Now, I don’t think Covid-19 will end in 2022. I believe that the pandemic will last all year.
This year I have a list of goals. Some are very vague such as get a new job due to my upcoming lay off. Yet, others are more detailed such as my plan to post two times a week on this website. Thursdays will be thanksgiving Thursdays while Fridays will be feel good Friday. Once a month, I will share quotes from a book that I have read. The book may be a Bible study book, Christian non-fiction or a self-help book.
My sister C started posting monthly goals on Facebook. She has been doing a few years. I started sharing monthly goals with her. I find that the yearly goals can guide my monthly goals. I think this idea can help you and me to be more flexible as our world keeps rapidly changing. It is also easier to wrap my mind around a month rather than a year.
What are your goals for the year? What books do you plan to read?
The Waukesha Christmas Parade Tragedy
On November 21st, a man drove a red SUV into people marching in our Christmas parade. Six people died because of this action. Here are a collection of pictures of my community’s response to this tragedy.
At first, main street where this took place had press everywhere.
While looking at the press along the street, I noticed and orange marks on the street. I suspected they were evidence markings.
As time went by, items began showing up at Veteran’s Park where the city invited people to leave memorial items.
Local businesses began posting messages of support.
The Christmas parade memorial was decommissioned and put into storage earlier this week (Wednesday morning). Now a few more items have appeared.
Happy 2020, Take Three
Usually, I feel hope for the new year. But, this year I don’t feel any hope or excitement for the new year. Pandemic is continuing while I wait for Covid-19 test results just like I did in January 2021. My nation, USA, feels more divided than ever. My employer will be laying me off in February or March. I am still waiting for my official 60 day notice as required by Wisconsin.
So, I am reminding myself that Jesus will be my shepherd just like he has done in the past. My family, friends and church will be there for me too if I reach out and ask. (I struggle with this part.)
